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Welcome to an advice column by me, Sara Benincasa, a person with opinions. This column will not diagnose or “cure” anything. Send questions to saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com. If I use your question, I’ll keep you anonymous and revise your question for space.
Dear Sara,
It has recently been pointed out to me by a well-informed observer (my wife) that I may be slightly obsessed with the Trump hush money trial in New York. I watch different network and cable news broadcasts to contrast and compare how they cover it. I read a lot of articles about it. I still do all the normal things in my life, and as much as I believe that man belongs in prison for many reasons, I have plenty of other interests.
I do think my wife has a point. I’ve started to bring it up as if other people in my life find it just as fascinating as I do (they very clearly do not). I’ve just never paid attention to anything remotely like this in my lifetime (I was too young to understand the Nixon years) and it is mind-boggling. I guess what I’m asking is, where does a healthy interest in a major news story become an unhealthy interest in that story? — I Really Do Have Hobbies
Dear IRDHH,
Coming to this World Wide Web-site/encyclopedia/poetry/Midwestern feminist hair metal/sex advice/recipe blog for advice on political obsession is rather like asking your dealer for a fine rehab reference, and honestly sometimes they do know the best places. I applaud your taste in Internet outlets!
I don’t know your whole life story, obviously, and haven’t witnessed your fascination live and in person. I’m going to make a few suggestions, since I don’t actually know how severe the situation is.
If you are boring, weirding out, or annoying the folks in your day-to-day life with your focus on that man’s trial, may I suggest spending time amongst the sexually alluring rabble known as the commentariat? Assign yourself a certain amount of time per day to engage in chats regarding the issue, and stick to that time. Set a timer. For real. Or put on an EP (NOT a full album) and listen as you read and chat away. Once the EP ends, you gotta go do something else, pal.
On the other hand, that bit of advice may only inflame the situation you are trying to ameliorate. And if that’s the case, professional help may be necessary.
You say that you’re still up to all the normal things you usually do. That’s good! But if you find that you are neglecting work, friendships, family life, or your hobbies in favor of focusing on this particular issue, there may be a bigger problem.
It is possible to use the news to avoid looking at what’s going on in our own lives. People can develop an unhealthy dependence on just about anything! I am a human who has often acted out in addictive ways. I’m sober from fun cool substances, sure, but does that mean my addict brain don’t keep lightin’ up about other shit? HA!
I had a high school friend whose mother was really obsessed with her (monstrous) hero, Kenneth Starr. She obsessively hated William Jefferson Clinton for reasons unknown. And she was obsessed, OBSESSED with any negative news about him. The cruel jokes of the era about young Monica Lewinsky were probably like delicious cocaine to her conservative brain! She printed out the Starr Report — PRINTED IT OUT. IN THE ‘90s. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT TOOK?
Plenty of people did not like Clinton, and had some bullshit morally superior attitude about cheating even when they themselves were obviously deeply flawed humans. Plenty of people projected their misogyny onto Lewinsky, and women with internalized hatred around their sexuality were often horrific in their language about her. But my friend’s mother’s singular focus was disturbing because it seemed to point to some kind of unmet need, some unwellness that found an outlet in this manner.
I do think it makes sense to take an avid interest in an actual criminal trial featuring the worst president of our lifetime, a man who could become president again and do even more damage. This trial is nuts, and many of us have never witnessed anything like it. But the nature of this or any interest can veer into dangerous territory if it takes up time that might better be spent on matters closer to home. And if you start using up printer ink, this is a sign of distress.
Auntie Sara loves therapy, so this is the part where I tell you that if your behavior feels unmanageable and others around you reflect this to you, it is time to talk to a shrink, preferably a filthy librul one who will have sympathy for your political leanings and be able to place the more extreme behavior in context.
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