Have Yourself A Merry Little Festivus!

Get out your traditional aluminum poles — because today is Festivus. I’d celebrate by airing my grievances but honestly that’s literally my job, so I shall leave it all to you to air your grievances. See how gracious I am?

This week I bring you Alf’s Special Christmas, a dark AF Christmas special starring everyone’s favorite cat-eating alien from Melmac. (TW: Hospitals, suicidal Santas and the aforementioned cat-eating.)

You are welcome! But as a bonus, if that is too dark for you, please to enjoy The Smurfs Christmas Special! (TW: Child kidnapping, singing and … Satan?)

Enjoy!

As you may have heard … we are hoping to get to 5,000 paid subscribers by the end of the year — and we’ve got 193 to go! So close! I am trying to think of something we could promise you all as a special prize/bribe if we get to 5,000 subscribers, but haven’t come up with anything good yet. I don’t think anyone will go along with my lone idea of an all-Wonkette cover of one of those 1980s supergroup charity songs (that isn’t Do They Know It’s Christmas, which was some culturally ignorant colonialist nonsense and rude), so if you all can think of (non-pervy) things you would want, I’ll check the comments later.

In the meantime …

 Or if you’d just like to donate just once …

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You can even send us paper checks to:

Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238

Talk amongst yourselves!