GOOD NEWS: We already wrote pretty much all the preview you ever need to know about tonight’s Fox News Republican debate right here. It’s at 9:00 p.m. ET.
And yes we FUCKING GUESS we’ll liveblog it.
BAD NEWS: Doug Burgum might not be there, because he tore the shit out of his Achilles playing basketball this morning. He had to go to the emergency room and everything.
MORE BAD NEWS: Who or what is a “Doug Burgum?”
GOOD NEWS: He might be there! He’s gonna see.
MORE BAD NEWS: How will we know if he’s there if we don’t know who Doug Burgum is?
GOOD NEWS: All signs still pointing to a bunch of people you hate ganging up on Ron DeSantis and making him cry.
GOODER NEWS: Donald Trump will not be there. Instead there will be some kind of pre-taped Twitter TV show posted upon the internet, where Trump and Tucker get in heart-shaped tub and Dr. Pimple Popper each other’s backs, or something else gross probably who knows. Be there, will be wild!
BAD NEWS: Well, we just killed you with that mental image. So you’re not going to make it to the debate watch party tonight.
RUSSIAN NEWS: Oh no, sounds like a private plane carrying Yevgeny Prigozhin — the Wagner guy who used to be Putin’s chef but then turned into Putin’s enemy — has fallen down the stairs out of a window and out of the sky! Another ringing endorsement for high quality Russian construction and air traffic control!
In summary and in conclusion, yeah bye until later.
OPEN THREAD
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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