Tucker is melting down, everyone, or at least the character he plays to entertain his customers is.
Obviously, we did not watch his show all the way through last night, so maybe there is some major context we are missing, LOL just kidding, Tucker is not deep enough to have “context.”
There was sneering and seething racism, of course — as we discussed yesterday, white fascist males are furious about the Tyre Nichols murder. Not out of compassion, obviously, but rather they seem angry the rest of society won’t join them and agree that all Black men are monsters after all.
Tucker was talking really fast, even for him — more at a rapid and nervous clip like Donald Trump Jr. does — and there were more high-pitched shrieks and giggles than usual. Bless his heart.
TUCKER CARLSON: The Democratic Party can’t govern the country without emergencies. It the public is ever allowed to calm down enough to think clearly, uncomfortable questions might emerge.
Yes, it’s the Democrats who traffic off freaking people out.
“WAIT A SECOND! If my kid can’t get into a good college or work at a big company because he’s white how is this systemic racism thing real?”
Your kid can’t get into a good college because he is mediocre and stupid and uninteresting. 🙁
(This was one moment where Tucker started making hysterical and alarming sounds.)
“And if it is real, why can’t I just change my race like all those people on TV are always changing their sex, just by wishing it so! What’s the answer!” [Tucker does high-pitched giggle.]
Tucker’s worried people will try to stop being white. Got it.
If people started asking questions like that, that would be baaaaad! It would be a disaster!
It would be something, that’s for sure.
So clearly the Democratic Party needs a new emergency, at least until we start sending ground troops to Ukraine and the population becomes suitably hysterical again.
Wait who is manufacturing emergencies about things that are never, ever going to fucking happen?
So because they needed an emergency, they found one, and the new emergency turns out to be the old emergency, which is white racism.
Oh, there’s no new emergency, it’s just the old emergency, the one Tucker personifies.
Now, unfortunately for the Democratic Party, white racism is one commodity — like cedar boards — that’s getting harder to find. Very few unarmed Black men are killed by white cops these days.
How many is the right number, Tucker?
Where’s George Floyd when you need him?
He really asked that.
(The answer is that he was murdered by white cops.)
So instead, in a pinch, they’ve settled for an unarmed Black man killed by Black cops, which they’ve informed us, nevertheless, despite all appearances, is still the product of white racism.
It’s very complicated, much too complicated for Tucker or his average viewer’s brain — remember how they couldn’t get into college? Maybe critical thinking deficits like this are a factor — but yes, they are indeed related.
So that’s that clip.
As Justin Baragona noted on Twitter, whatever that was, Fox News CEO Suzanne Scott endorses it, because she’s letting it play on her air.
She must also endorse this next clip, which is …
Well, in this next clip Tucker says Michelle Obama is running for president because she won’t stop talking about her menopausal thighs because she’s a crazed narcissist who thinks her thighs are interesting and also Kamala Harris can’t pronounce her own name. That all make sense? He says it all in like 30 seconds, it must make sense.
If you read Fox News’s full transcript of Tucker’s monologue, you can see Tucker sets this up by saying the “manufactured white racism panic” he was talking about above was a clue Michelle Obama was running for president. We guess it’s one of the known omens.
And then there was this misogyny:
But the clincher is menopause. Unlike every other woman over 50 and all human history, Michelle Obama, we’re sad to tell you, has menopause. It’s not clear where she got it. Maybe there was an outbreak in Edgartown. But it’s bad.
At one point, Michelle Obama gained up to six pounds. You don’t know how much she suffered. Let’s put it this way. Bataan Death March survivors, she laughs at you. You can’t fathom her pain. Watch her talk about it on TV.
He played a clip of Michelle Obama doing an interview where she talked about menopause. Obviously he was really triggered by this. Made his well-documented masculinity issues feel tingly and weird or something. Are 50-year-old women allowed to talk about something that affects just about every 50-year-old woman? Maybe Ron DeSantis can do something about this!
She’s talking about her own thighs. Now, why is Michelle Obama telling you about her menopausal thighs on a TV show? Possibly because she’s a crazed narcissist who thinks her own thighs are interesting to you. And that’s, of course, true.
But there may be other reasons. Consider that today’s Washington Post expressed deep dissatisfaction with Joe Biden’s current heir, Kamala Harris. Now, Harris is a woman who cannot even consistently pronounce her own first name, and she might not be, as the Post suggests, up for the job of leading this country.
That’s right, Kamala Harris is the one who can’t pronounce her name. And Michelle Obama is talking about her thighs because she’s a narcissist who is running for president.
Anyway, all of this was just fucking bizarre, even for Tucker. From there, he said Kamala Harris is “universally loathed” (we think she’s great!), even by her own husband Doug Emhoff (the high-school romance type thing Harris and her husband have going on is obvious), and suggested Emhoff would rather leave Harris “for a white dude.”
There’s not much to say about this, besides how Tucker has always been extremely threatened by Kamala Harris. She triggers his white supremacism, his sexism, and it seems like she just makes him feel inadequate in general.
Also Tucker gets really really REALLY uncomfortable around gay guys, and guys like that tend to be prone to making weird gay jokes and then wondering why the people around them aren’t also laughing.
Later in the show there was this:
So that was Tucker’s night.
We hope yours was more normal and would be less interesting to a psychologist.
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