PSA FOR ALL FOX NEWS HOSTS:
You all seem to have a fetish for getting humiliated by Pete Buttigieg.
That’s it, that’s the PSA.
No kink-shaming or anything, we are just announcing it, as a service to the public. Hence “PSA.”
This time it was Bret Baier, who brought up some fucking bullshit about Pete taking his husband Chasten to the Invictus Games. So Pete had to give Bret Baier a swirlie and stuff him in a locker. It is just the rules, neither we nor Pete made them up.
Just watch it, don’t make us set it up for you.
This, incidentally, was happening while Kevin McCarthy was suffering his 486th humiliation of the week.
On the off chance that you are unable to watch — perhaps because you are in public and watching Secretary Mayor Pete destroy Fox News assholes is so hot that it might be considered porn in some jurisdictions and watching porn in public is frowned upon — here is some transcript/context we lovingly transcribed copy/pasted from Daily Beast:
“You also brought your husband Chasten on a military aircraft to attend a sporting event in the Netherlands,” Baier said, conveniently leaving out the fact that the couple was leading an official delegation to the Invictus Games, a high-profile international competition for wounded veterans.
“That’s quite a spin to put on it,” Buttigieg replied with a smile. Asked if the trip was reimbursed, he shot back, “Of course not!”
Secretary Mayor Pete always says something like “quite a spin to put on it” while smirking, before he MURDERRRRS.
Buttigieg, himself a veteran of the War in Afghanistan, went on to calmly explain that he was leading a presidential delegation to support wounded warriors and injured Americans service members—a trip that countless other cabinet members and presidents have made before (along with their respective spouses).
“It was one of the great honors of my time in this job,” he said. “And the diplomatic protocol on a presidential delegation is that the principal is often accompanied by their spouse.”
“Here’s what I want you to understand,” Buttigieg said, telling Baier that before him every administration official who led that same delegation was accompanied by their wife, including the partner of Trump’s former Defense Secretary Mark Esper and First Ladies Michelle Obama and Melania Trump.
“And I guess the question on my mind is, if no one is raising questions about why Secretary Esper and his wife led that delegation, as well they should have,” he concluded, “then why is it any different when it’s me and my husband?”
YEAH MOTHERFUCKER WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? YOU MAKING ONE OF YOUR FUCKIN’ FOX NEWS CRACKS ABOUT THE FACT THAT I’M GAY AND HAVE A HUSBAND? SAY IT TO MY FUCKIN’ FACE WITH YOUR FUCKIN’ WORDS, BRET.
But Pete didn’t have to do all that. Bret Baier’s tail was already all the way up his own butt, and he just said “Understood.”
For real, though, Fox hosts: If this is your kink, that is fine.
If it is not in fact your kink? STOP TRYING.
He’s smarter than every one of you, he’s funnier, he’s quicker, and he’s cuter. He will beat each one of your loser asses in a patriotism contest, every time.
He also seems to have an innate ability to beat the shit out every one of y’all LONG before you even know what’s happening, so nobody has any time to cut his mic.
But really, though, if it is your kink, no judgment. We swear!
Just be sure the secretary of Transportation knows your safe word.
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And once that doesn’t exist, I’m also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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