Former DC Cop Michael Fanone Stops By Capitol To Check In On Old ‘Weasel Bitch’ Kevin McCarthy

It was quite a scene at the Capitol yesterday. The stench of Kevin McCarthy’s failure ran amok like an invading QAnon shaman with a fanciful hat as a fourth, a fifth, and a sixth vote transpired, pushing McCarthy further and further away from his lifelong dream of being the least influential House speaker in US history.

And people stopped by to watch. One of the people who stopped by yesterday was former Rep. Justin Amash, who is hanging around JUST SAYING that if anybody needs him to be speaker of the House, he can do it. He and his big hot muscular arms are JUST SAYING.

But way funnier than that is that former DC cop Michael Fanone, one of the most outspoken victims of the January 6 terrorist attack on the Capitol, stopped by to see how his old pal Kevin “Weasel Bitch” McCarthy was doing. Fanone, who is also very hot and who has previously called McCarthy a “fucking weasel bitch” for caving to Donald Trump and sabotaging a true independent commission to investigate the January 6 attacks, said he had heard McCarthy was having a hard time this week, so he came by to make it worse.

“Maybe the fourth time’s the charm,” said Fanone, before the fourth, fifth, and sixth times. “I just came here to rub it in,” he also said. Reportedly at the time he was pointing at the sad missing nameplate outside the speaker’s office, where it doesn’t say “Kevin McCarthy.”

Just so we can all savor it anew, here was Fanone’s full quote about the old weasel bitch in that October Rolling Stone interview:

“I think at night, when the lights are turned off, Abe Lincoln and Ronald Reagan have some pretty choice words to say about the fact that they have to hang on Kevin McCarthy’s wall,” Fanone states. “They did some fucking above-average things. And they’ve got to adorn the wall of this fucking weasel bitch named Kevin McCarthy, with his fake fucking spray-on tan, whose fucking claim to fame, at least in my eyes, is the fact that he amassed a collection of Donald Trump’s favorite-flavored Starburst, put them in a Mason jar, and presented them to fucking Donald Trump. What the fuck, dude?”

HE DID DO THAT WITH THE STARBURSTS.

So all of that was awesome.

Last night, Congress got back together and managed to vote to adjourn and let Never Kevin go back to Never His Office and fail some more without cameras on him. When the Republicans secured a majority on their vote to go home and eat pizza, they cheered like they had passed a bill that became a law! They come back today at noon, for more failure, whatever form that failure takes.

People are starting to say out loud that maybe McCarthy might need to step aside and give Steve Scalise a chance. Meanwhile the Bugfuck Caucus is responding by saying it doesn’t like him or anybody else in leadership either. Lauren Boebert said as much on her clownass media tour last night. So Scalise might not make it across the finish line either!

In conservative TV land news, Sean Hannity is siding with the majority of Republican weeners and desperately trying to get McCarthy across the finish line. (He had his own hilarious interview with Boebert last night.) Meanwhile Tucker Carlson is obviously siding with the congressional terrorists, OBVIOUSLY, and being so very milquetoast dramatic about it, to the point that GOP Rep. Dan Crenshaw is openly telling him to grow a dick on Twitter.

This morning reports are coming out that during McCarthy’s night of hard work, he started brewing a deal where he’d give all the terrorists all the power and all the glory in exchange for absolutely nothing. Will that work for him? Hahaha, still unclear! Also unclear if that would keep GOP “moderates” on his side, or if they’d tell McCarthy and his bosses to get bent.

Finally, in the wee hours, on his cheap Twitter knock-off OnlyTruths, Donald Trump said that if somebody wins the vote TODAY, after these two days of abject failure, it will be more meaningful than if it happened the “traditional” way, where a vote is held and a winner is declared and that’s that. He said this is a lot like his own track record of “winning” in ways that are not “traditional.”

We wish the Republican Party all the non-traditional Trump-style success in the world.

Festivities start at noon!

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