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We don’t mean to shock you, but according to Anthony Fauci’s new memoir On Call: A Doctor’s Journey in Public Service (Wonkette cut link!), Donald Trump says some variation of “fuck” a lot.
Joe Biden? “Fucking stupid.” The election? Trump would win it in a “fucking landslide.” The stock market not going up one thousand points in a day because Fauci was not being optimistic enough? He cost the economy “one trillion fucking dollars.” Picture a hailstorm, only the hail is just the word fuck pounding the roof of your house like it’s being fired out of the rotary cannon of an F-35.
The Daily Beast got hold of an early copy of the book, which will be released next week. And hoo boy, does it sound funny:
Fauci describes conversations with Trump during the COVID-19 pandemic in which the then-president would “announce that he loved me and then scream at me on the phone.”
“Let’s just say, I found this to be out of the ordinary,” Fauci writes[.]
Anthony Fauci, dryly summing up how all of us felt watching the four years of the Donald Trump presidency.
There are some other fun nuggets here, like the time that Trump screamed at Fauci because he doesn’t understand how vaccines for viruses work:
“On the evening of June 3 [2020], my cell phone rang,” Fauci writes, “and the caller—the president—started screaming at me.”
Trump was angered by Fauci telling a journalist that immunity to coronaviruses was “usually six months to a year,” meaning that when a COVID-19 vaccine was found, booster shots would likely be needed.
Viruses change and mutate. Why does Donald Trump think you get a flu shot every year? Maybe Melania tells him it’s a liquefied Big Mac.
The problem was that what Fauci said to that journalist got misreported and twisted on the Internet as Dr. Fauci says the covid vaccine only offers protection for a short period of time. Naturally, the feral possums of the Right — and we’re including multiple elected officials here — went nuts.
In that call, Trump also told Fauci he was making things worse, presumably because he wasn’t blowing smoke up the public’s ass about how long the pandemic might go on and that many people might still get sick and die. That’s when the stock market came up:
“He added that the stock market went up only six hundred points in response to the positive phase 1 vaccine news and it should have gone up a thousand points and so I cost the country ‘one trillion fucking dollars.’”
Damn. Maybe the government should garnish his pension.
Fauci says Trump apologized to him through an intermediary later on. Since Trump loathes apologizing or admitting to apologizing almost as much as he loathes leafy vegetables, we can expect a full-on diaper explosion on TruthSocial when he hears about this.
Fauci also writes about the last conversation he had with Trump, a 15-minute stream of gibberish two days before the election. The president was upset because Fauci again in speaking to a reporter had not made everything sound all hunky-dory, what with all the people still getting violently sick and then dying:
Trump was upset about Fauci telling The Washington Post that the U.S. was still “in for a whole lot of hurt.” The COVID case count was 9 million, with 230,000 dead.
“Everybody wants me to fire you,” Trump said. “But I am not going to fire you, you have too illustrious a career, but you have to be positive.”
Apparently somewhere along the way, Trump brought on Tony Robbins as an advisor.
Then, Fauci recounts a monologue Trump delivered at the end of the call that reads like the last lines of Sunset Boulevard, if you replaced Gloria Swanson with DiCaprio’s coked-out stockbroker from The Wolf of Wall Street:
“I am going to win this election by a fucking landslide. Just wait and see. I always did things my way. And I always win, no matter what all these other fucking people think. And that fucker Biden. He is so fucking stupid. I am going to kick his fucking ass in this election.”
What can you say? The man is pure Shakespeare.
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