Elise Stefanik And Margie Greene Team Up To Unimpeach Trump, F*ck It, Why Not

Fresh off their vote to censure Rep. Adam Schiff for the crime of noticing that Trump was corrupt, Trump’s House allies are proving that there is literally nothing they won’t do to kiss Donald Trump’s saggy, orange ass.

In a stunt which would be rejected by the Jackass franchise for being too pathetic, Reps. Elise Stefanik and Margie Greene have introduced a resolution to Hot Tub Time Machine themselves back to 2021 so they can expunge Trump’s impeachment for trying to overthrow the government. And then they’ll get back in the bubbles for a trip to 2019 to scrub away that impeachment for Trump’s effort to extort the president of Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden. After that, maybe they’ll go even further back to determine which came first — losing their consciences, or losing their goddamn minds.

The bill regarding the 2021 impeachment is especially ridiculous, namechecking every argle bargle conspiracy while conveniently sidestepping the total lack of evidence of any actual vote fraud, even as Marge and Lissy deride the impeachment resolution as a “subjective account” of the events of January 6, 2021.

What about “voting anomalies”? What about secretaries of state making it easier to vote in a pandemic? What about Trump winning “18 of the 19 bellwether counties across the country that have predicted the winner of every Presidential election since 1980”? What about Trump getting more votes in 2020 than in 2016? What about the wee feefees of all the MAGA heads who honestly believe in their hearts that the election was stolen? What about the fact that mean Nancy Pelosi just picked up the glass and scrubbed the blood and feces off the walls and then raced to a vote without letting Republicans obstruct for two months? What about the fact that Mitch McConnell refused to allow evidence to be presented and surrendered his chance to get rid of that orange menace once and for all?

IMPEACH THE IMPEACHMENT!

The resolution to disappear the Ukraine impeachment for “wrongfully accused” seems almost sane, if only by comparison.

You can’t “expunge” an act of Congress. It’s not like a criminal record which can be removed from official searches. Trump will still be the only president to have been impeached twice, although Margie is ready to cage fight Lauren Boebert for the opportunity to present weekly articles of impeachment of President Biden based on recycled Giuliani effluvia from 2019.

“The first impeachment of President Trump was a politically motivated sham. The Democrats, led by Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff, weaponized a perfect phone call with Ukraine to interfere with the 2020 election,” she shrieks. “Meanwhile, the FBI had credible evidence of Joe and Hunter Biden’s corrupt dealings, confirming their involvement in a foreign bribery pay-to-play scheme and receipt of over $5 million each.”

Gotta hand it to her, she does stay on her crazy, lie message.

“It’s clear that President Trump’s impeachment was nothing more than a witch hunt that needs to be expunged from our history. I’m proud to work with Chairwoman Elise Stefanik on our joint resolutions to correct the record and clear President Trump’s good name,” she continued.

For her part, Stefanik is clearly more concerned with using MAGA voters and Trump’s endorsement for her own ambitions — she is, after all, Republican Conference Chair, just three clicks below a notoriously weak speaker.

“The American people know Democrats weaponized the power of impeachment against President Donald Trump to advance their own extreme political agenda,” Stefanik lied. “From the beginning of this sham process, I stood up against Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff’s blatant attempt to shred the Constitution as House Democrats ignored the Constitution and failed to follow the legislative process. President Donald Trump was rightfully acquitted, and it is past time to expunge Democrats’ sham smear against not only President Trump’s name, but against millions of patriots across the country.”

It’s funny when Republicans like Stefanik and Senator Tim Scott pretend not to know how much Republicans hate women and people of color!

Anyway, it’s not clear if this attempt to take Wite Out to the Congressional Record will even get a vote. But Greene and Stefanik got a news cycle out of it, so, you know, they did their real jobs.

Catch Liz Dye on Opening Arguments podcast.

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