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Donald Trump showed up in Washington DC for the first time in his post-“presidency” yesterday, giving a deranged speech at his brand new think tank, the America First Policy Institute For The Worst Ideas Possible Ever, Like You’ve Come To Expect From the Mind of Donald Trump, Did You Know His Uncle Was A Professor At MIT, It’s True. Not surprisingly, he floated some blatantly fascist ideas that CNN politely described as outlining “a hardline and harsh criminal justice agenda” for Republicans to pursue, like one of Trump’s favorites, executing drug dealers after “quick trials,” just like in China, which may be evil but knows how to get things done.
Trump figured “two hours” ought to be plenty of time to convict drug dealers and sentence them to death like smart totalitarian places do: “It sounds horrible, doesn’t it? But those are the ones that don’t have any problem. It doesn’t take 15 years in court. It goes quickly.”
The speech was a return to Trump’s “American carnage” rhetoric from his 2017 inaugural speech, explaining that everyday life in America is just the absolute worst because of Joe Biden and Democrats, don’t you see?
The dangerously deranged roam our streets with impunity. We are living in such a different country for one primary reason: There is no longer respect for the law and there certainly is no order. Our country is now a cesspool of crime.
Trump also called for illegally deploying the National Guard to enforce laws, since Democrat Governors won’t, saying the “next president needs to send the National Guard to the most dangerous neighborhoods in Chicago until safety can be restored.” Yep, mark “Chicago” on your rightwing bingo cards, kids.
Also, just to prove he still has nothing but contempt for the concept of irony, Trump said police are heroes and need to be worshiped as such, although he made no mention of the Capitol Police who were trampled and beaten by his wonderful followers. Instead, he said the problem in America is that “our great police know what to do” about crime, but chickenshit political leaders won’t “allow them to do it.” Trump then presumably explained that good cops get saddled with worthless rookie partners who only slow them down with their smartass college-boy book smarts, when they know nothing about the streets.
Also too, Trump offered a flawless solution to homelessness: Instead of dealing with all the actual challenges of addressing the problem, particularly the difficulty of actually getting people into affordable housing, Trump suggested simply forcing homeless people out of cities altogether and dumping them in favelas, easy peasy! Or maybe he means camps, where people could be concentrated.
Y’see, Trump said, it’s all about compassion, which is severely lacking in the way homeless scum are currently allowed to be criminal and just like drug dealers, and worst of all, unsightly:
No civilized society turns over its public spaces to be dominated by drug addicts and the homeless, no matter what the reason may be. If liberals think it’s somehow compassionate, let them invite the homeless to camp in their backyards, soil their property, attack their families, and use drugs where their children are trying to play.
Instead, Trump said that unhoused people — he figures most cities have “hundreds of thousands” of them, if not millions per city — should all be scooped up and removed to the far outskirts of cities, as if there weren’t already suburbs there.
Open up large parcels of inexpensive land in the outer reaches of the cities, bring medical professionals, including doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, drug rehab specialists, bring permanent bathrooms and other facilities, make them good, make them hard, but build them fast, and create thousands and thousands of high-quality tents, which can be done in one day. And you have to move people out. And some people say, “Oh, that’s horrible.” No, what’s horrible is what’s happening now.
See? Problem solved! Like all of Trump’s best ideas, it would only take one day, like when he deported all two million undocumented immigrants with criminal convictions during his first hour in office, although you may have forgotten when he did that.
Trump dismissed more conventional ideas, like building low-cost housing and providing social support to people experiencing homelessness, or providing rent assistance, because it’s an emergency and it has to be done right away. Nope, tent cities are the “only” option, because Donald Trump says so, and the tent cities will actually provide all the incentive anyone needs to just stop being homeless:
It will be the ambition of these people, and all of us, to get their life back on track, leave the tent city, and be back into the mainstream of society, which is where they want to be. It’s a great thing.
We bet a lot of formerly unhoused people could even find jobs in the burgeoning profession of drug-dealer executioner, for that matter.
Trump’s flawless plan for ending homelessness in about a week doesn’t appear to have caught on with “experts” or with “groups who serve homeless people,” but that’s only because they get bogged down in details like thinking homelessness is “complex” and not amenable to simple solutions blurted out by some guy at the end of the bar.
Should Trump somehow return to office, expect him to appoint Herschel Walker as HUD secretary, since housing is a boring job that doesn’t matter.
[NPR / CNN / WJLA / Photo: Archdiocese of Boston, Creative Commons License 2.0]
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