On Monday, Nikki Haley’s presidential campaign lost a huge source of financial support when the Koch-funded Americans for Prosperity Action announced it would no longer spend money on her clearly doomed run.
Meanwhile, clips were circulating online of the bloated corpse of the GOP frontrunner, former President Brainworms — on a break from scrounging up the half a billion dollars in civil fines he has to pay the state of New York in less than a month — giving a speech this weekend at CPAC that, like all of Donald Trump’s speeches, made him sound like an unhinged Nazi parrot mainlining an IV of meth. Squawk! Election fraud! Squawk! Border! Squawk! Illegals murdering you in your sleep! Squawk: Good brain work good!
One would be hard-pressed to come up with a sharper illustration of the morally bankrupt decrepitude of the Republican party of 2024 than the week starting with one lying, terrible, but at least in the neighborhood of sane candidate contemplating the end of her campaign while the unhinged frontrunner, having crushed his last opponent, strokes the psychic G-spot of a crowd of syphilitic racist hyenas and revels in its applause.
Here are some of the highlights we heard from Clownpants von Shitwit on Saturday, thanks to Aaron Rupar and this incredibly unpleasant beat he has taken on:
“Ruthless gangs will explode even more into the suburbs, and when they talk about suburban women, they’re gonna love me so much.”
If by gangs you mean the crowd of boat dealers and Sbarro’s franchise owners who stormed the Capitol for you on January 6, okay, they already live in the suburbs. And we’re marking it down that suburban women are going to hold the overturning of Roe v. Wade against him, particularly since he constantly insists on reminding them of it.
“While weaponized law enforcement hunts for conservatives and people of faith, Hamas and Antifa will terrorize our streets.”
Weaponize me, Daddy.
No, you are not. Alexi Navalny was a political dissident. You’re a rich guy whose brain is oatmeal.
“For hard-working Americans, November 5 will be our new liberation day. But for the liars and cheaters and fraudsters and censors and imposters who have commandeered our government, it will be their judgment day!”
How do his minions never get tired of hearing the same shit year after year after year? Because this is indistinguishable from the famous “American Carnage” speech at his inauguration in 2017. Get some new material, you toffee-haired weirdo.
“You heard the J6 hostages … There’s never been in the history of our country a group of people treated the way they’ve been treated.”
Nobody? Native Americans? Slaves? Buffalo Bills fans? Nobody?
“We have languages coming into our country, we don’t have one instructor in our entire nation that can speak that language … They have languages that nobody in this country has ever heard of.”
Someone learn how to speak North Sentinelese, stat! Also don’t miss Trump’s impression of the president of Mexico refusing to give him 28,000 soldiers for … uh, who knows what. Probably wants to put them to work at some of his golf courses.
“In Beverly Hills, you pay a fortune in taxes, they say you can only brush your teeth once a day.”
Yeah yeah, and the toilets are so low-flow that they can’t handle your massive dumps. Good Lord, shut up.
As a bonus, please enjoy a couple of clips of Trump in a speech to the Black Conservative Forum on Friday, in which he appears to be claiming that he’s no longer racist? He’s become enlightened? Dare we say woke? Who knows, our brain is the inside of a septic tank at this point.
“These lights are so bright in my eyes that I can’t see too many people out there. I can only see the Black ones, I can’t see the white ones. That’s how far I’ve come…That’s a long way, isn’t it?”
Someone told Donald Trump that people like to feel “seen,” and he took it literally, didn’t he?
“A lot of people said that that’s why the Black people like me, because they have been hurt so badly and discriminated against.”
Anything to improve on the eight percent of the Black vote he scored in 2020.
Only eight more months until the election. Adjust your medication dosages accordingly.
OPEN THREAD!
Please help Wonkette, anti-anxiety meds can get expensive when you buy them by the gigantic tanker shipful.
