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Every once in a while, yr Wonkette encounters something so dark, so disturbing, such an abomination before both God and the natural order of the universe, that our first thought is, “Ooo, can’t wait to share this with our readers!”
Such is the case with the Sweet Baby Plushie, a doll sold by the Daily Wire and crafted to look like the site’s most visible closet case, bearded tuck fetishist Matt Walsh, dressed in a diaper. And it looks as disturbing as it sounds:
That thing should probably be wearing a face diaper as well, the better to simulate catching all the shit that comes out of Walsh at both ends.
The doll’s name is a nod to Walsh’s audience, some of whom call him Sweet Daddy Walsh because that’s not creepy and weird. The Sweet Baby Gang is apparently the knuckle-dragging taint golems that make up his fan club. And if those suckers are willing to throw away $25 of their allowance to ironically display a doll of a bearded man in a diaper in their dingy apartments, we’re not the ones to warn them off. It’s not as if they’re bringing home women they might want to impress anyway.
We’ve been meditating on this question for way longer than is conducive to good mental health, but we have to wonder: Is Walsh aware that there is a vibrant subculture of people who enjoy diaper play for sexual gratification? That they enjoy putting on diapers and role-playing as infants? Is he trying to rid himself of the shame he feels because he can only get off if he’s wearing Depends and sucking on a bottle? Is this diaper-clad doll a secret confession? A cry for help? A recruitment tool to co-opt otherwise-upstanding, healthy theocratic fascists into the blackness and self-loathing that runs through him nonstop and it is all he can do to keep from screaming?
We hope Matt knows that it’s fine to discover there are modes of sexual enjoyment beyond simply banging your wife for six seconds in the missionary position before rolling over, farting, and going to sleep while she stares unfulfilled into the darkness of her regrets.
We hope Matt gets the help he needs so he can shake off his personal humiliation and go back to judging other people about aspects of their lives that are none of his fucking business.
We’re not talking about this in a vacuum, either. Matt has apparently had a long-standing diaper fascination. Ari Drennen of Media Matters pointed us to this amateur video of some YouTube show he used to co-host. In the video, two very pale white dudes named Tater and Intern A wrestle while wearing diapers. Unsurprisingly, Tater has a swastika tattooed on his upper back. We don’t think it’s there for irony.
Just as today’s Nazis are a pale imitation of the originals, so too is Nazi-themed homoeroticism a cheap knockoff of the original.
The Daily Wire also sells Sweet Baby Gang t-shirts and mugs and this blanket, and we would like to caution every woman we know that if you do in a moment of pity and weakness go home with one of the incels who like to call Matt Walsh “Sweet Daddy,” and you spot that blanket, you should leave, change your name, and move to another state.
