Daily Wire Guy Very Concerned About Rosemary’s Abortion Clinics

Christians who claim to be “ex-Satanists” are a lot like people who believe in past lives — not a schlub or a minion among them. Every single one was a “high priest” or a “high priestess,” just like people who believe in past lives were always royalty of some kind and never like, a random farmer or chambermaid.

We can only assume that it is one of these “High Priests” or “High Priestesses” that gave Daily Wire host Michael Knowles his inside intel on What The Satanists Are Up To These Days.

In a recent broadcast, as reported by Media Matters, Michael Knowles filmed himself doing reactions to a 2018 VICE short featuring an unnamed fella purporting to be the head of the UK branch of the Satanic Temple answering questions about Satanism. Though the Satanic Temple people are atheists and not literal devil worshipers, Knowles got pretty huffy over this Satanist fella’s assertion that he does not sacrifice or sex traffic children.

Knowles swerved right from “You support sacrificing children because you support abortions and that is the same thing!” — a place where one can be wrong and stupid but still somewhat planted in this reality — to the place of “And all of the abortion clinics are attached to Satanic covens, I know because I heard this from an ex-Satanist.”

He said:

“If you support abortion as a political matter, which all of these people do, then you are involved in the killing of babies — wholesale slaughter of babies. And, by the way, every single abortion clinic in the United States has a satanic coven attached to it. And you might say, that’s crazy. That’s a cult. There’s no way that stuff really happens. Look at these people. You think these people wouldn’t do that? And maybe if it’s not these people, if it’s the more hardcore — if they’re the more semi-ironic Satanists, the hardcore ones are — you could speak — you hear testimony from former Satanists who — who talk about this frequently.”

You know, I love this. I do. Abortion clinics across America partnering with “satanic covens” for unspecified reasons that I guess have something to do with baby sacrifice. They never really get into the details here. Do they eat the fetuses? Do they use them in rituals? And what, exactly, do the abortion clinics get out of this? What if a new one opens up? Do they have to go seek out some Satanists first?

Ex-Con Jim Bakker Says Planned Parenthood Sacrifices Babies For Satan, So That’s New

I mean, really, when you think of it, what are the Satanists even getting out of this besides a general “Yeah, this is a thing Christians think is bad!” From what I’ve seen, it seems like they’re usually far busier trying to get the antichrist born, either from Mia Farrow or a jackal. I mean, if we’re talking about definitely true things that are not fiction here.

About a week ago, I actually came across the most hilarious video earnestly purporting to explain why “they” (by which I assume they mean “we”) are always sacrificing babies. It’s fair that they were curious, because let’s be real — this is something their thought leaders never really get into. Mostly it’s just “Because they are the bad guys.” Anyway, Lara Logan is pretty sure she has the answer.

The formerly celebrated war correspondent explains that someone told her that “these people” sacrifice babies because their one purpose is to defeat God. Which is just like, the absolute height of Main Character Syndrome — thinking people are out there procuring and sacrificing babies (somehow without ever getting caught or anyone reporting any missing babies) just because they are trying to “defeat” your favorite immortal deity.

But again … to what end? Like, what is it they think anyone would even get out of that? And who are these people who believe in the Christian religion but want to take it and their God down. I, for one, do not believe in their God, so why should I have to go around sacrificing babies in preparation for some sort of war with him? When are any of us even finding the time?

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The fact is, Satanism, the way people like Michael Knowles or Mike Warnke or Jack Chick or Lara Logan conceive of it, literally just does not exist. This oddly corporate, multi-level marketing Satanism that only someone who has been a born again their whole lives could possible come up with. There is theistic Satanism, though even those groups are not “Worshiping the bad guy of the Christian Religion” and usually have a different understanding of what Satan is than do Christians. For instance, the Temple of Set venerates the Egyptian god Set, not the Christian devil. Perhaps ironically for Knowles, the vast majority of those groups — like the Order of Nine Angles and the Joy of Satan — are pretty right-wing (as in, they are literally neo-Nazis).

I get that it makes their religion a lot more exciting if you imagine a highly organized group of franchised Satanists plotting against you than the very boring reality, which is that people who don’t belong to your religion don’t care what you do so long as you don’t bother anyone, and that the last time I encountered anyone claiming to love Satan, it was sophomore year of high school and some goth kid was on a lot of acid and also telling me he had a forest in his eyes. Actually had to kick that guy off of my Facebook for whining about “SJWs” a while back, so make of that what you will.

OPEN THREAD.

Updated to reflect that the lady in the video is not some rando and is, in fact, once-celebrated journalist Lara Logan, whom I fear I cannot pick out of a lineup.