Hey, are you a conservative? Are you filled with a self-hatred so all-consuming that the only way to quiet the taunting from the abyss corroding your soul day after day after day with all the implacability and viciousness of a coked-out grizzly bear chasing a terrified backpacker that you turn to mocking the children of your political opponents to stave off the existential fear that you are but a meaningless speck of dust in a cold and indifferent universe?
But we repeat ourselves.
Anyway, maybe try to not be dicks to the families of elected officials? For one thing, you might get fired from your job or receive a visit from federal law enforcement, what with the federal laws against threatening public officials and all.
And for another thing, doing so just screams “I’M A DICK!” Like, you should by law have to wear a sandwich board with that message everywhere you go.
First up in this week’s spate of stupid conservatives being dicks to Democrats for being the sorts of supportive family people that conservatives always accuse them of not being is some dark money Republican ethics watchdog called Protect the People’s Trust. The PPT recently filed a Freedom of Information Act for emails showing that when Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg spent two months on paternity leave in 2021, he was actually … on paternity leave?
The explanation goes like this: Buttigieg told Jake Tapper this in October of 2021:
“When you take a job like mine, you understand and accept that you will have to be available 24/7 depending on what’s going on,” Buttigieg said. “You will have to engage. I did, even if that meant taking a phone call or making a decision from a hospital room. I am so thankful for the phenomenal work my colleagues at the Department of Transportation have done and are doing.”
Ah, but look at this damning incident that some Murdoch lickspittle at Fox News uncovered:
Buttigieg similarly declined to participate in an hour-long Zoom call for an event with the Indiana Chamber of Commerce that invited him to speak.
“I think we can delegate? Can say he’s on leave,” one staffer emailed internally.
“Sounds good will do,” another staffer responded.
Buttigieg was on paternity leave, but he didn’t make an exception for every single request from every single podunk Chamber of Commerce to spend an hour flattering them with boilerplate, so impeach or something.
Pete’s husband Chasten was not having it:
As the uncle of twin boys who were once 17 months old, yr Wonkette can confirm that this is indeed adorable. We second Chasten’s suggestion that Fox go back to yelling about no longer finding M&M’s fuckable, or whatever they’re on about this week.
The family of Pennsylvania’s new junior Senator John Fetterman also felt the dickishness this week:
why are they literally the uncoolest 🙃🖤 https://t.co/TVHA7JvWZ7
— Gisele Barreto Fetterman (@Gisele Barreto Fetterman)
1673531897
Ha ha, see, the Fetterman children are not wearing club ties and chinos and little Nazi blazers with the family crest on them like good Republicans would, ergo they must be creepy and kooky and mysterious and spooky!
The irony here is that the party that loves to tout its family values is mocking a nuclear family headed by two heterosexuals who are still after years of marriage madly in love with each other, dote on and provide a stable and economically robust two-parent household to their children, even house and provide for the patriarch’s weird bachelor brother so he won’t be alone in the world. (Again, a note to our twin nephews.)
This particular Republican Party organ is also missing part of the point about the Addams Family in its various movie and TV iterations. Which was that within their own family unit, they were perfectly normal. It was the rest of the world, with its flawed standards of normalcy, that was grotesque.
Finally, there is permanent Republican bete noir Eric Swallwell, Democratic congressman of California, who this week got some hate mail:
Charming!
Apparently, the guy who sent this has already been fired, so there’s some karma for you. Yr Wonkette would like to offer this paragon of American manhood some free advice, on the off chance he reads this:
- Don’t threaten to rape and murder a man’s wife and children, for obvious reasons. We can’t believe we even need to say it.
- If you must send threatening emails to a public figure, especially one with a large following on social media, don’t use your real name, you fucking idiot. Have you never seen a serial killer movie? Those guys don’t send threatening emails from their personal LinkedIn accounts for good reason.
- Be helpful and welcoming to the federal agents who may visit you in the upcoming days to discuss your death threat against an elected member of Congress. Buy a couch that doesn’t look like you found it under a bridge. Borrow some family photos from any non-sociopaths who may be in your life and scatter them around. Offer the agents coffee. Smile a lot.
Oh, and have a lawyer present to tell you to shut up when you forget to listen to us.
