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Hey, white moms, huddle up! Yes, you, Jennifer. Put down the pumpkin spice latte for five minutes, it’ll stay hot for a week in that insulated sippy cup.
Let’s talk about inflation. Specifically, let’s talk about what our virtuous white mom status won’t buy any more.
No, Michelle, I’m not talking about Peloton raising their rates. We can get into that travesty later.
I’m talking about the fact that we can no longer point to our tidy white children, and our yoga-toned bodies, and the balanced meals we dutifully churn out day after day and know for sure that we are not the kind of people who face consequences. No matter what we do!
Case in point: Rachel Powell, who was sentenced yesterday to 57 months in the federal penitentiary for her role in the January 6, 2021, insurrection.
Here she is using an ice axe to break a window at the US Capitol — and sporting that same parka we all bought five years ago to keep the chill out when we cheered our kids on at practice. Note that our girl is doing nothing to obscure her pretty face, even sporting an easily identifiable pink hat. Although whether that’s thanks to her staunch opposition to covid masking or her perfect confidence that no one would ever think to arrest a vegetarian mother of eight is unclear.
Naturally Powell took it upon herself to organize the crowd that day. After climbing in through a broken window to scope it out — fit moms FTW! — she grabbed a bullhorn and instructed her fellow insurrectionists how best to “take the building.”
“Hey guys, I’ve been in the other room, listen to me. In the other room, on the other side of this door, right here where these feet are standing, there is a glass, that if somebody, if it’s broken, you can drop down into a room underneath it. There’s also two doors in the other room, one in the rear and one to the right when you go in, so people should probably coordinate together if you’re going to take the building …”
You can trust a mom to take the bull by the horns. That’s why they crowned her “Bullhorn Lady”!
Well, not literally by the horns. Our Rachel didn’t get her hands dirty punching a cop, of course. She just directed the crowd for hours as her fellow MAGA patriots pummeled the Capitol Police.
And she came unarmed, as she told the New Yorker’s Ronan Farrow, “unless you count a Lärabar and bottle of water as a weapon.” Moms got snacks! And also “a little beater bar … and wasp spray and knives in my bag” — but only when she came to DC to protest in November, she insists, not when she returned two months later in a “caravan” of likeminded citizens with a “plan” to keep Trump in office.
And as every mommy knows, if you don’t talk about it on Facebook, it didn’t happen. Which is why Powell made sure to tell everyone she knew how hard they’d had to fight to get into the building.
In the wake of the riot, Powell repeatedly bragged about the aggressive behavior of rioters, their violence towards law enforcement, and the eventual retreat of officers. For example, on January 7, Powell wrote: “IT WAS FUCKING WAR TO GET IN. IF YOU WERE NOT HERE THEN STFU.” Id. at 17. In another post, Powell wrote: “we weren’t fucking welcomed in you fucking idiot. You weren’t even here so shut up and stop spouting facts like you know.” Id. In another, she wrote: “there were lots of security. They had to retreat into the building and fight back because patriots were relentless.” Id. In another, Powell replied, “they didn’t open the gates. The people trampled them. It was war.” Id. Powell also admitted having witnessed the violence on January 6: “the police fought back well. I did see them retreat before people were on the second floor but that was a fight to get them to retreat. They had their barricades removed from them and were pushed back.”
Post through it, girl!
After her arrest, in February of 2021, she was released to home detention and allowed to work. Judge Beryl Howell did require Powell to wear a mask outside her home, though.
So she did, and then posted that picture above on her Facebook page.
Prosecutors noticed, after which they moved to revoke her bail. But her lawyer argued that the mask was not an obvious middle finger to the court. Perish the thought, your honor! It was an homage to “singer, Lana Del Ray, who fashioned a mask with a clear plastic barrier under a see-through fabric for a public book signing event.”
And it worked. She got to stay home with her family for another two-and-a-half years.
Which is perhaps why Rachel seemed so confident earlier this week when she appeared on Steve Bannon’s show in this video captured by Ron Filipkowski of Meidas Touch.
“I did go into the building,” she admitted, “but I didn’t go deep into the Senate floor. I didn’t go deep.”
Flanked by her smirking, MAGA-hatted children, Powell professed her incredulity that prosecutors were asking for eight years in jail.
“It was a mistake, and I’m sorry, and I wish I could pay for it or do something,” she said, trailing off, before conceding that she had in fact broken that window
“After I saw Roseanne Boyland dead at my feet, I was obviously irrational. I did break a window,” she said, excusing her own culpability for the minor property damage, while congratulating herself for her scrupulous honesty. “I’ve never hid that. I was always honest about it.”
But ladies, here’s the part where it gets a little bit dark. She made this same argument before Judge Royce Lambert, even batting her eyes and tearing up in court, AND IT DIDN’T WORK! The judge sentenced her to more than four years in prison for breaking a window in a “protest that got out of hand.”
Can you even believe it? What is this world coming to when a pretty white mom can go to jail like a common criminal? She accepted responsibility for breaking the window and offered to pay for it! What more do they —
Oh, no! Ladies, it looks like Staci has been overcome by the shock. Can someone get her a rosé STAT? It’s a scary world out there, girls. Hug your children tight!
Stay safe out there, ladies, and keep up with the skin care. See you in the carpool line.
[US v. Powell, Docket via Court Listener]
Catch Liz Dye on Opening Arguments podcast.
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