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No one has ever accused Donald Trump of possessing any capacity to learn a fucking thing.
Four years ago, Trump and his campaign kept painting Joe Biden as some sort of old and drooling incompetent who could barely walk three feet without collapsing. A barely sentient simulacrum of a human who was being hidden away in the basement of his Delaware house so the public couldn’t see his advanced decrepitude before the election. A man so slight he would fall over if you so much as looked at him.
Then Biden was feisty and sharp at the debates, shocking wingnuts who had spent months hearing from Fox News that he had one foot in the grave. The Trump campaign, having set the bar so low that Biden would have cleared it just by walking onstage to his podium, immediately lost one of its campaign talking points.
Trump, being a moron, has been trying this same strategy since long before the 2024 campaign even really began. Then, less than a week before the first debate, he seems to have remembered that it didn’t work out in 2020 and he better quickly tamp down on everyone’s expectations, as he did at a rally in Wisconsin on Tuesday.
Mr. Trump was also preparing for his caricature of Mr. Biden to be punctured next week. He openly wrestled with the obvious question: What if Mr. Biden clears the very low bar that Mr. Trump has now set for him?
He had answers: If that should happen, it’s only because Mr. Biden will be “pumped up,” he told his followers, suggesting that the president would hoover up a pile of cocaine beforehand, since the drug was recently found in the White House by the Secret Service.
No one stops to ask, but maybe that cocaine was left over from the last administration. Don Jr. visited the White House all the time, didn’t he?
In a shocking twist, however, the Times, which has never seen an “Is Biden Too Old to Be President” story it wouldn’t print, admitted what we all know, which is that Donald Trump is also old:
Lately, Mr. Trump has been experiencing his own adventures in aging for all to see. Last week, he bragged about passing a cognitive test when he was president but mixed up the name of the doctor who’d administered it. He has confused Nancy Pelosi with Nikki Haley, and Mr. Biden with Barack Obama.
And those are just two of Trump’s recent senior moments. The folks at MeidasTouch put together a whole compilation that you can watch if you can stand giving the Site Formerly Known as Twitter some traffic.
And so Democrats have their own set of video clips they’ve been consuming, too — seeing evidence of aging in Mr. Trump’s curious tangents about sharks and boats with electric batteries, or in the way he bollixes up words.
Free debate idea for Biden: Walk out onstage wearing a shark costume like you’re a Katy Perry backup dancer. Trump will be so thrown he might become even less coherent, if that is even possible.
Trump is also trying to dampen expectations by blaming literally everyone else involved in the debate ahead of time. He told the rally crowd that he’s taking on not just Biden but CNN and the debate moderators, Jake Tapper and Dana Bash, who
were constitutionally incapable of treating him fairly. “I’ll be debating three people instead of one half of a person,” he said.
Shouldn’t that be two and a half people, or is he tacitly confessing he knows Biden isn’t nearly as far gone as Trump and his flunkies have been saying?
Really, the entire GOP has run with this “Biden so old” line practically since the 2020 election was over, and he keeps publicly showing them up. We’d say “you would think they’ve learned by now,” but that would imply a capacity for learning things.
The debate is Thursday. We’ll be watching (and liveblogging, probably make Evan do it) from the safety of our booze bunker.
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