A
uthor Carroll Bryant must have had first-hand knowledge of heartbreak because when he said; “The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever,” I felt it on a whole new level. After the initial noise of denial comes an unsettling silence from a realization that the situation is your new reality. Whether you are going through a breakup or a loved one is in the situation, there are certain words of comfort for a broken heart that could help soothe the pain.
Words are potent, and when used rightly, they can serve as good medicine for the soul. Therefore, now is the right time to call on the power of words in order to help that loved one who is grieving and might feel all alone in a world full of people. The pain heartbreak wields is underrated. Sometimes, people coerce you into feigning strength and might judge you as weak. If you’ve ever been through a breakup, perhaps, empathy might lead you to seek knowledge about how to assist a loved one in the same situation.
Here are a few things ‘not’ to say to a person going through a breakup…
As a loved one, we mean well when we say these things to a heartbroken person but sometimes, the words only worsen the situation.
• “He will regret this. Someday you’ll look back and wonder how you wasted all that time with a no-gooder.”
• “Look at Adele and Sam Smith, you could sing a song or write a book. He’ll be on his couch watching you on TV. Turn that pain into a passion…”
• “I know exactly what you’re going through. I went through a divorce last year, and trust me, it got better after I met my present boyfriend. Put yourself out there, dress up, and post pictures, so he can see you’re having the time of your life.”
• You had better be strong. You can’t afford to act weak and let them laugh at you. Be strong, you’ll learn from this experience.
Does heartbreak affect your mental health?
When someone is going through a breakup, it’s obvious that it affects them mentally, emotionally, and physically. As someone who has had a fair share of post-breakup anxiety, my biggest fear has always been never to feel that way again. But man proposes… The science behind heartbreak states that the influx of the cortisol hormone (stress hormone) suddenly replaces dopamine and oxytocin (feel-good hormones present during the love phase) after a breakup. Therefore, this means that your stress levels are likely to skyrocket due to love gone sour.
The major factors that influence the impact breakup has on an individual could be the duration of the relationship, the strength of the bond, and the impromptu nature of the breakup. This reminds me of a cool evening when my life changed forever. My partner at the time called me and said; “Maybe the role we were meant to play in each other’s lives has been fulfilled, and it’s time to part ways…”. This was out of the blue, and instantly, I caught a cold, palpitating heartbeat and shaky hands that landed me in a hospital bed. That was the beginning of my journey with anxiety. My throat would tighten, and my chest felt like it was about to shatter into a million pieces. Yes, I can relate to the heartbreak syndrome and how it messes with a person’s entire system. Words of comfort for a broken heart.
Also, someone who is going through a breakup, especially one you were well-invested in would experience withdrawal symptoms like a recovering addict. This is due to the sudden short-circuiting of the familiar feel-good hormones. The scariest part of going through a painful breakup is that it can change you into a different person (not always pleasant), and that’s the reason you have to be supportive of anyone going through a split. This is the best time to persevere, even when they make attempts to push you away. They need to feel loved and valued, especially for those who believe they aren’t good enough to be loved.
“Then his heart, now broken into a thousand pieces, slowly began to turn to ice.” ~Morgan Rhodes
Check out a few words of comfort for a broken heart your friend may just need to hear…
#1. Words of availability
• “You don’t have to do this on your own. Understand that I’m always here whenever you need me. If you feel the urge to call your ex and insult him, call me instead and rant. You could even text me and pretend to be him.”
• “How are you doing today? You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to. Just want to remind you how proud I am of you, and it will be alright soon.”
#2. Offer to help
“Hi dear, I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, so I’d love to do something to help ease your day. Can I come over and help with chores? Do I order pizza so you can at least eat something?”
#3. Remind them it’s not their fault
“He left you, and I need you to realize it was his decision. It doesn’t mean you’re useless or unlovable. It’s not a reflection on you in any way.”
This is usually the case when your friend was truly not at fault. I have a friend whose ex-husband upped and left without a word, only to serve divorce papers. This was because they didn’t have a child after four years of marriage. She needed to understand it wasn’t her fault, and she wasn’t worthless because the man she said “I do” to on the altar decided to hop out of the matrimonial bus and leave her hanging.
#4. It’s okay not to be okay
“It’s alright to feel all you’re feeling. Whether sad, depressed, angry, or obsessed with stalking your ex, they are all valid feelings. The earlier you allow yourself to feel everything, the faster you heal.”
#5. Words that encourage new activities
“Nature abhors a vacuum. Can we jog together in the evening? Should we go and see a movie? No, you don’t need to cut your hair, let’s go spa chilling instead.”
Featured image: panic_attack/iStock
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