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OK, here we go. Kamala Harris/Donald Trump debate! Two will enter, two will probably leave!
We are settling in to our debate watch party, which isn’t some kind of official debate watch party, it’s more like we are at our friend’s house in the big theater with the big recliners — FANCY, THAT’S CORRECT — and that is where we are live-drinking we mean liveblogging this debate.
Also our dear friend made us Tim Walz’s hotdish for our party, and also we have other foods.
Here is the drinking game we made you:
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If Kamala Harris arrests Donald Trump onstage by saying, “Felon, get ready to be unburdened by what has been, and then immediately reburdened by my FOOT UP YOUR ASS,” drink all of what you are drinking and go outside in the street and cheer, because the election is officially over and Kamala Harris won.
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If she doesn’t say that, drink your drink nicely and respectfully, it’s Tuesday, fuck.
That’s it, that’s the game.
Live-drinking starts at 9 p.m. ET!
8:52: Oh hello, we are here! We have had two (2) drinks and a number of foods and we are sitting in the THEATER OF FANCINESS and oh good here’s Chris Christie for some reason, oh good.
And this is hotdish from Minnesota. No, that is not a sex name for Chris Christie! It is Tim Walz’s recipe.
8:57: Reince Priebus is on ABC News willfully mispronouncing “Kamala,” please drink a shot while saying “Reince Priebus” in the most offensively fucked up way you can think of.
(We are calling Rinse Pubis, you can’t have it.)
8:59: Raisin Publes.
9:01: Oh it’s starting.
9:03: LMAO Harris walks all the way over to Trump to introduce herself. Pretty sure he said “have fun.”
Oh good, the mics are going to be turned off, BUT they’re doing split screen stuff so we can see him being angry and scared.
First question is about “economy,” and Harris is saying her plans.
We bet Trump will say some real “policy” and “plans” in response, just you watch. He’s a policy guy.
That article there? POLICIES. Because he’s a policy guy.
9:05: Trump is so stupid, he leads with his fucking bullshit about how he thinks tariffs are a tax on foreign countries. No, they’re a cost levied on THE AMERICAN CONSUMER.
9:06: Ooh, insane asylums! This is a good thing about “economy.”
Also, Trump says “Springfield, Ohio,” to wink at the fact that all the biggest fucking morons in the world currently believe Haitian immigrants are eating housepets.
9:07: Harris responds, Trump left us worst unemployment ever, worst pandemic, and worst attack on democracy “since the Civil War.” Goes ahead and mentions Project 2025, so she can hang it around his neck.
9:09: Trump: I don’t know what’s in Project 2025, I don’t read it, I can’t read it, sounding out words you’ve never heard of, won’t try it.
Also something something Trump built ventilators. Harris is like …
9:10: Hahahahah, Harris notes that the WHARTON school — you know, where Trump failed upward into for his higher education — says her economic plans are better.
Trump: I WENT TO THE WHARTON SCHOOL! ALL MY PROFESSORS FROM WHEN I WENT THERE IN 1923 SAY I HAVE THE BEST PLANS.
Trump says Harris’s economic plan is “Run, Spot, Run.” Ooh, zingers.
9:12: Drink, Trump says the only people who will have higher costs from his tariffs are GIIINA.
Person at my watch party notes that the moderators basically just taught Trump what a tariff is and he still doesn’t get it.
9:13: HARRIS: Remember that time Trump sold computer chips to China so they could modernize their military? Remember when he sold us out like that?
9:14: Splitscreen Kamala Harris is FUNNY.
9:16: Oh good, ABORTION.
Donald Trump, are you the “most pro-life president ever” or do you love abortion so much you can’t stand it?
9:17: Donald Trump just accused the former governor of “West Virginia” of executing the baby after the ninth month, AKA like after it’s born. Pretty sure that is … not who he meant?
Also he says Tim Walz believes in abortion after birth, and that everybody cummed very hard with joy when Roe v. Wade was overturned, which is what everybody wanted, all his advisers have lied to him and said so.
He’s so mad. So, so fucking mad.
9:19: Moderator notes that there are no states where abortion after birth is legal. Entire country laughs at Trump. Kamala Harris says it’s not surprising he’s saying this bullshit, because duh.
Now she’s talking about all the Trump Abortion Bans that have cropped up around the country.
9:20: Harris is really good and forceful here, talking about doctors who can’t provide care, and patients who need urgent care, and saying none of this is a surprise. Ties Project 2025 around his neck again. She’s winning the election right now.
Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
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@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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