Wonkette’s news of today is so excited! Just can’t hide it!

Firstly firstly, come to our party, CHICAGO PALS! This Sunday, Aug. 18, 5-7:30 at the Kaiser Tiger to launch the Chicago DNC on behalf of our pals the DNC*! (*Not actually affiliated with the DNC or the DNC.)

Sunday, In The Bar, I Think It Will Be August 18!

Some good government from our friend Old Handsome Joe!

Joe Biden Will Let You Finally Cancel Gym Subscription You Haven’t Used Since The Pandemic

Yes Nikki Haley, that would be better, best of luck with all that!

Nikki Haley Wishes Trump Was Totally Different Person Who ISN’T Whining Racist Loser

Some primaries stuff!

Ilhan Omar Wins, Plus New Weird GOP Senate Nominees In WI And MN: Your Primary Roundup!

Some polling of the sexxxxx variety!

Poll Porn Much Sexier When It Shows Kamala Harris Winning All These Swing States!

Good for her!

Imane Khelif And The Goblet Of F*ck Around And Find Out

Well it *could*.

Utah Could Replace Mittens Romney With A Climate Activist Ski Mountaineer Influencer

Sara is her to infotain you. Helpfully.

Christ almighty.

Indiana AG Drops Embarrassing Lawsuit Against Doctor Who Helped Pregnant 10-Year-Old Rape Victim

That’s it, we’re gonna lose in a landslide.

New York Times Cannot Even Find One Kamala Harris Fan At This Trump Rally

NASTY TRICKSY HOBBITSES.

Tiny Bones Of Nasty Hobbitses! Tabs, Wed., Aug. 14, 2024

OK, see you bright and early for tabs!