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Aspiring Dictator On Day One Donald J. Trump simply cannot get enough of making goo-goo eyes at porcine prime minister Viktor Orbán, the Hungarian idol who read an old copy of Dictatorships 4 Dummies by Arthur Finkelstein and then got his country downgraded from a democracy to an autocracy.
Trump hosted that two-bit dictator of one of Europe’s poorest countries at the White House back when he was president, and they yukked it up like old pals. Then Trump had him down to his Florida roach motel just back in March, right after Orbán gave a pep talk to the Heritage Foundation, which has been stanning him for years and loves to gush about how autocratic Hungary “Leads The Way in Defense of Conservative Values.”
D and V spent a bromantic evening jamming to classic rock, making each other friendship bracelets, bagging on democracy, and gossiping about all the other rightwing strongman heartthrobs. They’re so strong! And tough! Vlad thinks you’re cute too! Melania was even defrosted for a rare walk-though and photo op, and Orbán gave her a horse-sized bouquet.
Then Thursday Orbán came calling again, waltzing in Trump’s door, just like he did before. Joe Biden was at the NATO summit, giving a rootin’ tootin’ speech to other grownups who don’t want to live in dictatorships where a toadlike man grifts everybody’s money and all the movies are shitty. And Orbán shoulda been there too, Hungary being a member of NATO, but nah. Instead he played hooky to fly down to Florida, where the documents and classic rock cover bands are red hot!
Orbán’s rotated into six months serving as representative of the Presidency of the European Union, which he’s been using to visit NATO’s enemies on what he calls “Peace Mission 5.0.” The hashtag-peace he’s seeking being for NATO to hand Ukraine on over to Putin, then everybody just shuts the fuck up about it, already, of course. And Trump can’t wait to help!
Cooed Orbán on Xitter: “Peace mission 5.0. It was an honor to visit @realDonaldTrump at Mar-a-Lago today. We discussed ways to make #peace. The good news of the day: he’s going to solve it!”
Purred back Trump from Truth Social, “Thank you Viktor. There must be PEACE, and quickly. Too many people have died in a war that never should have started! DJT”
Because Ukraine should have just rolled over and handed itself to Russia in the first place? Maybe Putin would accept Hungary as a substitute, since Orbán apparently hates NATO so damn much. (Yeah yeah, that’s not how anything works.)
Merely a week ago Orbán flew to Moscow to kiss Putin’s ass and tell him how great he’s doing at bombing hospitals, before that he was swinging with Xi Jinping in Beijing, and frowning across a table at Volodymyr Zelenskyy in Kyiv, probably muttering, everything will remain bloodless if the Left allows it to be. His thin little lips must be getting pretty sore.
V & D have so much in common! Orbán took Hungary from democracy to a flavor of autocracy he calls “illiberal democracy,” scaring people into electing him by demonizing George Soros, immigrants, and gay and trans people, and being all me big white Christian hetero strongman only one who can save you!
Once elected, he enacted a radical democracy weight-loss plan. He got laws changed to let him rule with unchecked power by decree, took control of the media, fired disloyal civil servants and purged universities of professors accused of having left-wing political opinions, and he shook down companies for kickbacks like the mafia. So you can see why Trump’s pupils turn into throbbing little hearts at the mention of his name. Orbán has returned the affection, so far being the only European leader to endorse Trump. After Thursday’s snuggletime, they social media’d a video of themselves together, with an orchestra surging in the background.
“A smart, strong, and compassionate leader of a wonderful Country, Hungary. Great job, Viktor!!! DJT” Trump Twoofed on Friday.
Why does he never swoon about the US that way? Oh that’s right, he hates more than half the people who live here, and also democracy itself.
In 2017 Orbán authoritariansplained his Christofascist sentiments, which could have come straight from a Project 2025 author or Patriot Front manifesto:
“Christian democracy is, by definition, not liberal: it is, if you like, illiberal. And we can specifically say this in connection with a few important issues — say, three great issues. Liberal democracy is in favor of multiculturalism, while Christian democracy gives priority to Christian culture; this is an illiberal concept. Liberal democracy is pro-immigration, while Christian democracy is anti-immigration; this is again a genuinely illiberal concept. And liberal democracy sides with adaptable family models, while Christian democracy rests on the foundations of the Christian family model; once more, this is an illiberal concept.”
So a free society, but just for white Christian supremacists. And VERGOGNA, or maybe a little prison, for the rest of you!
Probably needless to say, no Republican has any criticism for this Logan Act-violating-y reach-around.
And former Rep. Dennis Kucinich, whom I understand a lot of you old hippies used to love, running in Ohio for a House seat as an Independent, is also on the give Ukraine to Russia tip, and re-Tweeted a crypto bro about it.
Democracy: a whole lot of people don’t even want it.
[BBC]
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