Sorry Wonkette killed your inbox today; it was a rough day and IT GOT BETTER.

I don’t know what the hell happened to Joe Biden last night at that debate, but today they managed to slap some makeup on him, some Mountain Dew in him, and HE GOT BETTER. Please please please watch him at this rally in North Carolina (his ROLLICKER of a HUMDINGER of a LULU of a STEMWINDER starts at nine minutes in) and feel ALL THE BETTER.

Joe Biden Talking RIGHT NOW, Not Even Dead Yet!

Our other thoughts on last night’s debate!

Dok:

We Hear There Was A Debate Last Night

Robyn:

Did Donald Trump Murder A Newborn Baby? Is That Why He Keeps Claiming It’s Legal?

Your new wonketrina Brooke Binkowski:

Trump Claiming Victory On Charlottesville, And I, Your Disinformation Expert, Am About To Have A Goddamn Stroke

Me!

The Top Three And A Half Conspiracy Theories Wonkette Absolutely Believes! Tabs, Fri., June 28, 2024

Speaking of new wonketrinas, there are so many great journalists who need work, and I have a real problem where I keep trying to hire them all. If you can subscribe, that would make us all richer, like in the “rich life” way and also “people paying their rent way.” If you can!

More stories!

So. The Supreme Court. That was some bad shit!

Supreme Court: F*ck You (The Unhoused), F*ck You (The Government), F*ck You (You). Jan. 6 Rioters … You’re Cool.

And we still had five stories (and a cocktail) about none of the above! Bad ones first:

o.O

Trump Sleeps With The Boxes

and o.O

Mom For Liberty Saves Honolulu!

and GRRRR

Oh, Just Look At This Oklahoma Bible Banger Banging On Like He Knows History And The Constitution

and Jesus

Uvalde Officers Indicted For Not Doing The One Damn Thing They Were Hired To Do

and YAY!

Everybody Yelled At Eric Adams Until He Gave NYC Libraries Their Money Again

MERCH!

Now we can have a drink.

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, The Sagebrush Old Fashioned!