God’s Petting Zoo and more in today’s Wonkette of News!

Today we will start our Wonkette news of today with this afternoon’s last post, the open thread, because it is so full of happy and nice!

Lucky that lady! Now I’ve got this song on my brain! You’re welcome!

Important PSA from Robyn!

I Don’t Care What Your Dairy Queen Manager Tells You, They Can’t Make You Eat Poisoned Ice Cream

The funniest part of this is that James O’Keefe thought Judge Arthur Engoron would know who he was.

Creepin’ Jimmy O’Keefe Stalks Judge Engoron At The Gym

Biden administration suing to stop this very bad crimey merger!

The FTC Thinks Your Groceries Are Expensive Enough Already Without A Kroger-Albertsons Merger

So the Republicans definitely for sure don’t want to outlaw IVF, how dare you imply such a thing … they just want to make sure the courts and states outlaw IVF!

Idiot Mississippi Senator Ain’t Gonna Have Y’all Rustlin’ Up No ‘Human-Animal Chimeras!’

Evan’s pissed.

Illegitimate Partisan Hack Supreme Court Joins Trump’s Attack On America

Literally like a week.

Congress (Probably) Dodges Government Shutdown, Again! (Like Literally For A Week)

Freedom and such!

‘No Porn Please, We’re The Conservative Party Of Canada’

I had to change “dick” to “donger” in the hed because Smartnews, which sends us a lot of readers from its app, said we were being too gross in our headlines, can you even imagine such a thing? (Also, headlines they IDed included “badass,” COME ON.) Anyway, I am sorry I have failed you.

Sounds Like James Comer Stapled His Donger To The Wall Again With This Hunter Biden Deposition

And I put tabs last this time! Are you not discombobulated?

Let’s Go Do Some Crimes. Tabs, Thurs., Feb. 29, 2024