Elise Stefanik Is The Celebrity Apprentice Of Being Bigger Fucking Liar Than Donald Trump

Today’s update on Donald Trump’s latest trial over his constant defamations of E. Jean Carroll, who a jury of his peers found him liable for sexually assaulting, is that they didn’t have a trial today. No big. One of the jurors was sick and Judge Lewis Kaplan sent them home.

Kaplan was cool with them doing today with only eight jurors, and so were E. Jean Carroll and her people. But dipshit Trump lawyer Alina Habba was not. She was also feeling not so hot today — different from her usual feelings about herself! — perhaps because her parents have turned up with COVID and she had dinner with them Friday night. Now she’s feeling icky, she hasn’t tested positive yet, but etc. We all know the drill.

Trump had said he really wanted to testify [against himself] today, but he can’t now, even though he bothered to show up. And he can’t tomorrow, because of the New Hampshire primary. You can’t go to your latest defamation trial regarding the woman you sexually assaulted on the same day as the New Hampshire primary, everybody knows that. Can he please testify against himself Wednesday? Alina Habba asked the court. The court has not answered yet.

All cool, right?

Of course not, because Trump is now lying about why court was adjourned today, and Rep. Elise Stefanik — who’s perhaps only outdone by J.D. Vance in selling her pathetic soul for the privilege of drinking Trump’s bathwater — is right there behind him, jumping up and down praying he’ll notice and make her his vice president.

Here’s Trump on Truth Social:

I traveled late last night from the Great State of New Hampshire to New York to attend one of the many Crooked Joe Biden-inspired Witch Hunt trials. Despite the fact that I was there, on time and on schedule, it was just learned that one of the jurors is, unfortunately, not feeling well, and for that reason, today’s session of the trial, having to do with a woman I know absolutely nothing about, has therefore been cancelled with a new date to be determined. Of course, all of these various “Biden Political Opponent” trials just happen to be starting, with great purpose, in the middle of what will be the most important Election in the History of our Country. They could have all began years ago, or years after, but, certainly not DURING the Election. In actuality, they should have never been brought at all, because I have done nothing wrong. It is what it is, and I will do what I have to do, all I ask for is fair Judges and Juries, and I will win every one of them.…

Le sigh! “Despite the fact that I was there, on time and on schedule” — give him a cookie and blowjob, y’all — “it was just learned that one of the jurors is, unfortunately, not feeling well.” Conveniently omits that they could have sent that juror home and kept going, and were given that option, but that it was his dipshit lawyer Alina Habba who was also, unfortunately, not feeling well, and may well have been exposed to COVID by her parents.

(All the newses are of course pointing out that neither Habba nor Trump were masked, so your grain of salt about how concerned these people are about COVID should include that fact.)

Here’s Stefanik, insert your own comment about the student becoming the teacher:

Stefanik tweeted, “This is blatant election interference! Joe Biden and his Democrat cronies are the true threats to democracy! TRUMP 2024!” in response to news that the judge had delayed the trial, shared by some cowfuck MAGA account that screamed ELECTION INTERFERENCE! over the delay.

Of course, to read the cowfuck MAGA tweet, you’d think the trial was just a day long, and that the judge had scheduled it for tomorrow to interfere with the primary. You wouldn’t understand that this trial was going last week, it’s going this week, and it’ll be going until it’s over.

Elise Stefanik knows that. Elise Stefanik is not stupid, despite how much she plays stupid to impress Trump and maybe get named as his running mate, please please please please please.

But this is the un-fucking-believable contempt these people have for their own voters. This is what it looks like when you know with 100 percent certainty that the people who vote for you are inbred morons who wouldn’t ever dream of checking your statements against reality, because that’s how brainwashed you’ve got them.

Obviously there’s a huge community note appended to Stefanik’s tweet, explaining that she is being “extremely misleading,” and that Alina Habba asked for the continuance.

Has Stefanik corrected herself or deleted the tweet? Nah. She’s retweeting MAGA pissbuckets MAGA-splaining to CNN reporters that Habba asked for the trial to be continued until Wednesday, not Tuesday. And again, the judge hasn’t given an answer to that question.

But the fact remains that the judge, with Trump in the room, gave everybody a choice: stay today with just eight jurors, and Trump can testify. Or go home. And Trump’s lawyer Alina Habba made their choice.

By the way, MSNBC legal analyst Lisa Rubin theorizes that team Trump miiiiight like their chances better with the juror who’s sick than they do without that person.

Also, considering the New Hampshire primary from another perspective, if Trump had testified today, and it had gone hilariously poorly for him — likely! — we can imagine that would be all over the news going into tomorrow, and he might not like that.

The point is go stub your toe and fuck yourself, Elise Stefanik, and Dear Leader Trump is invited to do the same.

UPDATE: The judge delayed it to Wednesday. We are sure Elise Stefanik will issue the most profuse of apologies.

Trump Can’t Wait To Testify Against Himself In All His Criminal Trials

Trump Lawyer Alina Habba Thankful Her Hotness Distracting From Her Terrible Lawyering

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