The most important news story of 2024 so far is definitely this one: California elected an official state bat! It took office January 1. Okay, the bat was technically appointed to the role by Governor Gavin Newsom. Still, what an achievement for a thing that looks sort of like a pale scrotum and sort of like a sweet flying bunny rabbit and sort of like a cool blonde party girl going “Wooo!” at a big outdoor music festival.
The pallid bat was chosen for the honor because it contributes to pest control in a natural way and is an important part of the complex ecosystem that is Caleeeefornyeyay. My favorite facts about the pallid bat are the following: They eat scorpions (as a Scorpio, I’m offended AND turned on) and they emit a foul odor from their snout glands in order to freak out predators. Love that move, must try it for fun!
Tell us more, University of California at Santa Cruz!
The Pallid Bat is a social species that is fond of open, dry habitats near rocky roost areas. A locally common resident in much of California, this slow-flying and maneuverable species typically forages within about 8 feet of the ground. It is adapted to eat hard- shelled invertebrate prey, which it often catches on the ground or among foliage and sometimes brings back to its night roost to consume. It is known to sometimes roost with other bat species.
Damn, so as I’m writing this in the nighttime hours, pallid bats are out there in gorgeous, post-sunset California workin’ on the NIGHT ROOST?
Ooh, baby! Is it hot in here or is it just that public science education is sensual? Or am I in perimenopause yet the gyno says I still have to be careful to not get knocked up? WHOMST CAN SAYETH? Yay bats!
Speaking of fucking, the pallid bat girls like to get it in in the late fall and early winter, popping out bat babies in the late spring through mid-summer. They give birth to their pups (baby bat dogs) while HANGING UPSIDE DOWN and then they CATCH THEM and tuck them into their pouches, holy SHIT. I love them!
Mama will care for the twins (she usually drops two at once, not unlike the white-tailed deer, fun fact) for about two months, and then they fuck off to start their own damn lives. Do they have careers? One definitely does!
I hope you enjoyed this homage to the Pallid Bat, who will surely emit tiny squeaky cute noises and scare the shit out of Gov. Newsom and then steal his office and become Governor of the Great State of California. I love her and would love to see her in action one day. A nice way to protect her habitats is to get involved with the sweet-sounding people at Bat Conservation International. Congrats, Miss Bat, you pretty, pretty princess!
OPEN THREAD!
