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The last time Wonkette made a fake petition (did not even make petition, just wrote stupid headline) to tell somebody to stop doing something, it was just as successful as the Target/Bud Light boycott, by which we mean everybody’s forgotten about it by now.
It was important, though. Taylor Swift was, according to some weird exorcist guy, maybe accidentally opening the hellmouth with this one song during her concerts. She might not have even known she was doing it! And is still doing it, we guess!
Likewise, last week Fox News host and known bad influence Jesse Watters invited a psychic friend on to do some tarot readings on Donald Trump and Joe Biden. Not only was she the devil, she was British. And when she started the readings, she pulled the “RIGGED AND STOLLEN” card for Trump and the “ALL I DO IS WIN” card for Biden.
So that can’t be right.
But some people are very upset Watters exposed his impressionable viewers to this occultist demon lady. We don’t know if they’d be so upset if she hadn’t predicted relative doom for Trump, but we’re going to assume they would.
The Christian Post explains that an ex-psychic — somebody “who repented of occult practices after turning to Jesus Christ” — named Jenn Nizza is just super worried right now:
“The deception of putting something that seems good out there while pushing a demonic agenda is heartbreaking,” Jenn Nizza told The Christian Post.
Nizza said it was “completely alarming.” And she should know, because tarot cards was what made the demons GIT HER back in the day when she was done got by demons.
She made a TikTok about having a “bone to pick” with Fox News over the appearance of the English devil psychic, whose name is Paula Roberts. She said Paula Roberts is a real psychic, and not a huckster. She said you gotta understand that when you cavort with psychics and tarots, “YOU’RE TALKIN’ TO DEMONS!”
And you know what about demons? Nizza knows what about demons. She says they are “liars” and “manipulators” and “they don’t know everything.”
Think about that next time you ask demons questions like they’re Wikipedia, Jesse Watters.
Demons don’t know the future, says Nizza.
(OK maybe part of this is that these people are pissed that the psychic tarot reading for Trump was ick.)
“All they know is what they’ve seen,” says Nizza of demons. “The rest? Good guesses.”
If you haven’t caught on, this ex-psychic Jesus idiot absolutely could be a guest on SNL’s “Bronx Beat” sketch, but we’ll let you watch it for yourself and decide.
Point is, it is “spiritually dangerous” to do tarot readings where demons say scary prophesies about Donald Trump having a real failure of a year, or as the card specifically predicted, a “sense of loss.”
“It is opening the door to demons, FOR YOURSELF, JESSE!”
If Jesse Watters ends up possessed by Devil, we will know how it happened.
Nizza said much more to the Christian Post about the dangers psychics pose to innocent and impressionable Fox News viewers, but honestly we feel like we’re summoning demons just reading about it.
The article notes that other very serious conservative Christian commentators, who are not lunatics, are also quite upset that Jesse Watters invited Satan on his program.
“Could I just note that tarot cards are not things Christians should embrace and maybe Christians need to reconsider the content they consume.”
Fuckbonkers Georgia Republican Kandiss Taylor:
“Demonic! Satanic! The occult! People wake up!” former Republican Georgia gubernatorial candidate Kandiss Taylor wrote. “Fox is supposed to be Republican Conservative news. Totally against Jesus. This is Satan worshippers [sic].”
LMAO.
Meanwhile, Charisma News, which makes the Christian Post look like The Atlantic, is caterwauling that Fox News is “openly practic[ing] the occult” right there on primetime TV, where your 86-year-old grandpa can see it while he eats his mashed peas.
And now your Fox News-loving grandpa is probably down at the saloon, watching “Buffy” and becoming a lesbian, because the British lady on Jesse’s show groomed him.
He says he’s never been happier.
OPEN THREAD!
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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