They did it. Those idiots actually did it, mostly because the White House essentially dared them to engage in this stupidity, and they did it. The White House winked at them and said, “Pretty sure you need a REAL IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY for us to cooperate,” because that’s what the Trump White House did to Democrats.
Last night, all House Republicans voted for this travesty. For what high crimes and misdemeanors? They don’t know. They will figure out a reason sometime, or would it work for you if they won’t? Can they just impeach him for “I know you are but what am I?” and can we accept that Republicans aren’t serious people, are not beloved by our Lord, and they’re just going to do this shit as long as they’re allowed near power?
Can we just accept that this is all about vibes, and the (D) next to Joe Biden’s name?
Can we just accept that these people worship a deplorable abomination named Donald Trump, who gave them the order to do this? And that guy only ordered it because Democrats impeached that guy for trying to extort one of our allies into helping him steal the 2020 election, and then trying to overthrow the Republic and inciting a terrorist attack against the country to overturn that election when he lost it.
Donald Trump isn’t the criminal, Joe Biden is. Donald Trump’s son isn’t an embarrassing puddle of vomit, Joe Biden’s is. (Both can be true!) Donald Trump didn’t weaponize the Justice Department, Joe Biden is doing that, and now Trump will have to do it even harder because of what Joe Biden did.
If the House manages to impeach Biden, whatever “impeachment articles” it invents on the fly will be written in poo and probably will look like early concept drawings of the Cybertruck. Chuck Schumer’s Senate will then have an opportunity to turn the trial into a gigantic campaign commercial for Biden.
Last night, the three committee chairs behind this — Jim Jordan (Judiciary), Pigfuck McHeehaw (James Comer, Oversight), and Jason Smith (The Other One, Ways and Means) — went on Fox News to explain what they had done. Facing the friendliest, easiest questioner, Sean Hannity, a guy whose gaping maw only drools for them, these goddamned fucking morons couldn’t explain why they were trying to impeach Joe Biden.
Hannity tried to get the simplest of all simple answers from prissy little hayseed Jason Smith: What the hell is this impeachment? “Is this now an investigation about Joe Biden being involved in what would be a bribery scandal, a money laundering, and an influence-peddling scandal?” That question is what is known in the biz as Sean Hannity gently placing the wiffleball on the tee and handing the Republican in front of him the lightest, fluffiest Nerf bat ever known to man.
And Jason Smith said: “This has always, Sean, been an investigation in regards to Joe Biden.”
What? The fuck you say? An investigation in regards to Joe Biden? Is it because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and a the Iraq everywhere like such as?
Hannity cut in to underscore that he had just given the square-dancing cumsock a multiple-choice list of three things, and that Smith only needed to pick one of them, or two of them, or three, to give an adequate answer. Smith wasn’t swift enough to lunge for the life raft Hannity was trying to throw him:
“It could be a multitude of numerous items! And we’re just continuing to follow the facts,” he said.
A fuckin’ multitude of numerous items, he said. They’re impeaching Joe Biden for a multitude of numerous items.
As White House spokesman Ian Sams tweeted, “it’s an impeachment about nothing.”
The past few days, Pigfuck McHeeHaw (Comer) has been running around whining about how Jake Tapper from CNN is mean to him and makes fun of his investigation and Steve Doocy from “Fox & Friends” is mean to him and makes fun of his investigation. The only people being nice are the mouthbreathers at Newsmax, and you know what most of America is watching? Not that.
Last night Pigfuck cried some more on Newsmax about Tapper, claiming that Tapper “knows what’s going on,” but unfortunately Tapper and others are “trying to indoctrinate their very shallow left-wing base out there.” That’s it, that’s the joke. Also, the way he pronounced “OUT THAR,” while trying to explain that he’s not dumb, everybody else is dumb.
Humiliating.
Yesterday, Iowa GOP Senator Chuck Grassley admitted yet again that Republicans have zero evidence against Joe Biden.
Here’s a full Twitter thread of more Republicans admitting the very same thing out loud, with their words. It was compiled by the Biden campaign, because that’s how easy these inbred dumbasses are making it for them. It starts with a selfie of two of the most detestable shitbreaths God ever threw on the remainder pile, because why not?
Also here is a press release from the president, making fun of the Republicans’ weak-dick impeachment.
In summary and in conclusion, look at these babbling cows:
Pro tip: If those guys are the best fighters your movement has, you’d best start negotiating the terms of your surrender now.
PREVIOUSLY!
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Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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