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“Jeepers creepers,” said the Newsmax host named Chris Plante about this week’s Hallowe’en event at the White House.
Then he played a video that showed that while President Joe Biden was giving out candy, he pretended to eat a fake ice cream cone, he coughed on his hand and he sniffed a kid. (They don’t know if he sniffed a kid, because you couldn’t see. Maybe he was doing SECRET LAPTOP HANDOFF to a kid.)
Also at one point Joe Biden was “startled,” and then he dropped a candy. Can we even trust a president who dropped a candy? First they are dropping a candy, next they are dropping America’s nuclear secrets in their bags and taking them to Mar-a-Lago and then giving them to Australians and fuck knows who else, wait that’s Donald Trump.
“Biden’s bizarre behavior,” the chyron said.
But more bizarre in the eyes of Plante was Dr. “DOCTOR” Jill Biden, the first lady, even weirder than noted startled candy dropper Joe Biden. She had of course made the odd sartorial choice to dress up as Hitler, replete with the traditional Hitler kitty nose and whiskers.
CHRIS PLANTE: Dr. Jill Biden — for Halloween, she was a doctor. And for Halloween, Joe Biden was president of the United States. Dr. Jill, actually, was dressed up like a cat, like she’s a 17-year-old high school girl, or something. And they put the makeup, like, the cat mouth on her. A lot of people thought it looked like a Hitler mustache.
“A lot of people thought it looked like a Hitler mustache,” Plante said, expressing the interesting thoughts of maybe some inbred Newsmax staffers who work on his show.
“A lot of people think you are Dr. Jill Biden the Hallowe’en Cat,” likewise said all the Germans, in 1933, to Hitler.
“They put the makeup, like, the cat mouth on her,” Plante said, describing the mysterious act of getting your face painted for Hallowe’en.
“Like she’s a 17-year-old high school girl,” Plante said, expressing the common truth that only teenagers dress up like cats. (It’s so the communal high school classroom litterbox will invite them in, and not reject them.)
“For Halloween, Joe Biden was president of the United States,” said Plante, because he’s paid to continue perpetuating Donald Trump’s Big Lie for the MAGA pigfucks at home who legitimately and sadly still can’t accept that Trump is the most laughed-at and hated man in the world, and that Biden beat the living shit out of him from the basement, and it was easy.
“Dr. Jill Biden — for Halloween, she was a doctor,” said Plante, because he’s a sexist little white milquetoast piece of shit who feels threatened by women who are smarter than he is, even if their degrees are in woke fields like education.
Good talk, Newsmax.
Matt and Mercedes Schlapp were also on the panel commenting, because we guess Newsmax has so little dignity that they’re still willing to have that couple come on TV together even as dudes continue to come forward with their stories of the times they wished Matt Schlapp hadn’t touched their cocks.
Anything else we need to talk about here? Nah?
Cool, OPEN THREAD.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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