Good morning, Donald and all your criminally indicted co-conspirators. How are we holding up as [JAWS THEME] all your different judgment days approach?
Illiteracy The Clown is back to putting two L’s in “stolen,” we see. Otherwise, they are going to prove the election was “STOLLEN” for the first time in three years? Why have they waited so long?
Trump added, “NOBODY HAS EVER FOUGHT FOR ELECTION INTEGRITY LIKE PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP. FOR DOING SO, I WILL PROUDLY BE ARRESTED TOMORROW AFTERNOON IN GEORGIA. GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!”
Sure thing, buddy. Let’s get you back in bed before “The Price Is Right” comes on. One dollar!
(We don’t feel the need to type it at Wonkette that often, but this would be a good place to remind time travelers from outer space who find this blog post that Donald Trump didn’t merely lose the 2020 election, Joe Biden kicked the shit out of him in the 2020 election and then kicked him some more while he was lying there.)
We’ve heard a bit about Trump’s impending surrender tomorrow night in Georgia — mugshottttttttt! — but his charged co-conspirators are starting to show up, and that’s sparking its own joy.
Coup-plotting clownhole lawyer John Eastman got there yesterday. (That’ll be his mugshot above, in case you want to make it into a T-shirt or a pattern for your backsplash.) His bond was $100,000 and he’s out on bail.
After Eastman was booked, he came out looking just as deranged as he is and said “absolutely” there is “no question in his mind” the 2020 election was stolen. Here’s a video. He comes off as an unfunny parody of Will Ferrell’s Harry Caray. He does not spark joy.
The Washington Post reports that Scott Hall, one of the indictees charged in the Coffee County voting machine breach part of the indictment, turned himself in yesterday and got out on $10,000 bail. Also David Shafer ($75,000 bail), the former Georgia GOP chair accused as part of the fake elector plot.
Meanwhile, Mark Meadows and Jeffrey Clark, those incidental white men, threw Hail Marys begging US District Court Judge Steve C. Jones to put a stay on the Georgia case so they can skip District Attorney Fani Willis’s deadline of noon on Friday. They don’t want their cases tried in Georgia! They want them removed to federal court! You know, because all the stuff they did was as federal officials.
Shafer is also trying to have his case removed, and his argument for that is extremely convoluted. We’ll see how that plays out, but they’re all going to try it.
(We hope they don’t think moving them to federal court means they could suddenly be pardoned — or pardon themselves, in the case of the RICO ringleader who wants to steal the presidency in 2024 — on the federal level. Legal experts say even if the case is moved, potential convictions would still be under state law. No federal conviction, no federal pardon power. Womp womp.)
Meadows had made this beg to Willis already. She told him to set his dick on fire and eat it.
Willis refused. “I am not granting any extensions,” Willis wrote in a email sent at 6:25 a.m. Tuesday, disclosed as part of Meadows’s motion. “I gave 2 weeks for people to surrender themselves to the court. Your client is no different than any other criminal defendant in this jurisdiction.”
The two-week window, Willis wrote, was a “tremendous courtesy.” “At 12:30 p.m. on Friday, I shall file warrants in the system,” she wrote.
You need to see it for yourself.
So that is how that is going. Meadows’s lawyers are filing motions this morning, in histrionics over the fact that Willis really is going to start arresting motherfuckers starting on Friday, just like she said she would. How is that even fair? They are begging for immediate removal to federal court.
As for Jeffrey Clark, former US Attorney Joyce Vance tears his notice of removal apart here, then points and laughs at it, then gives it a wedgie, then asks it why it’s crying, then punches it in the face. She uses the outside underpants pic of Clark to illustrate her post, because he’s outside underpants guy!
Meanwhile, WaPo reports on more of the bail negotiations. Most interesting for our purposes is that Jenna Ellis’s is set at $100,000, just like Eastman’s and also Trump lawyer Kenneth Chesebro’s. She better start shilling harder for her GoChristMe!
Oh oh oh! And finally, Rudy Giuliani is lugging his chram down to Georgia to surrender today. “I don’t know if I plea today but if I do I plead not guilty.” It’s unclear if he has a Georgia-based lawyer yet, but whatever, we’re sure he’s on top of it.
Kaitlan Collins shares this video of Roodles the Doodles leaving for Georgia:
He said, “I feel like I’m defending the rights of all Americans.” He added, “They’re going to come for you!” So we guess if you have any secret plans to mount coups to overthrow the Republic, you better rethink them. Because if Donald Trump can’t do it, you can’t either.
Otherwise Giuliani just lied and bitched and pretended Trump hasn’t committed one million crimes in plain sight, and whined that so many of Trump’s lawyers have been charged, just because there’s such ample evidence that his lawyers are often part of his conspiracy crimes.
We hope they all die in prison after extremely fair trials.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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