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Almost a whole year ago, we marveled, surprised but not really, that Donald Trump really thought the state secrets he stole from the government were “MY DOCUMENTS.” Delusional, stupid, and grandiose, after the Mar-a-Lago raid he was known to bark at his lawyers to get him back “MY DOCUMENTS,” because that dumbass motherfucker thought they were his.
Oh FFS, That Idiot Actually Thinks State Secrets He Stole Are ‘MY DOCUMENTS’
Well guess what? Here we are, he is a severely indicted man, he will probably go to prison for the rest of his life, but Rolling Stone reports that he is still barking at his lawyers to get him back “MY DOCUMENTS.” At least he was as of last month.
The intrepid reporting team of Asawin Suebsaeng and Adam Rawnsley report that even though he knew he was probably getting indicted, because his lawyers were trying to explain that to his thick dumb fucking skull, he still demanded “MY DOCUMENTS,” and also “MY BOXES.”
He thinks it is “illegal” that he can’t have “MY DOCUMENTS.” He’s asking his lawyers to try to keep thinking of ways they can get them back. And he has tried. And he has tried. That’s what so much of that “special master” nonsense was about, until the 11th Circuit laughed Judge Aileen Cannon’s rulings out of her own courtroom.
Kids. This is your brain on Judicial Watch’s Tom Fitton. Any questions?
Friends don’t let friends … but Donald Trump doesn’t have any true human friends who love him for who he is, so fuck it.
Suebsaeng/Rawnsley report that he’ s been calling all these pilfered documents “mine” pretty much ever since he stopped being president. And he thinks he’ll get them “back” in 2025.
In some of these conversations, according to the source with knowledge of the matter, Trump has also mentioned that he’ll get the documents back in 2025 — because he predicts he’ll be president again, and therefore regain unfettered access to the government’s most sensitive secrets.
Guess what, dipshit? Even if Trump managed to somehow get participation trophied into a second election win, those documents would still belong to the American people. Not him.
We joked above about Tom Fitton, who is not a fucking lawyer, but who Trump really does listen to as if he was a fucking lawyer. That stupid piece of dogshit is still at it this very week. But Rolling Stone also reports that actual lawyers are filling Trump’s head with this Mozart-grade syphilis dementia argle-bargle. There are just too many people in this country who are willing to funnel bullshit up the man’s ass that makes him feel special, and America gets hurt as a result:
“Whatever documents a president decides to take with him, he has the absolute right to take them,” Trump claimed last week, addressing the Faith and Freedom Coalition conference. “He has the absolute right to keep them, or he can give them back [to the government], if he wants…That’s the law, and it couldn’t be more clear.”
“TRUMP IS RIGHT! The Presidential Records Act Allows Presidents To Take Whatever Documents They Want” his campaign blasted out in an email to the media on Wednesday afternoon.
Know how Trump used to always babble that he had an “Article II” that said he gets to do “whatever I want”? This is like that. He is so obsessed with this bullshit idea that the Presidential Records Act says he can do whatever he wants. It does not say that. Pity he’s apparently not able to Hooked On Phonics that one for himself, but alas.
Anyway, he is probably in Mar-a-Lago or Bedminster right this very second, wearing nothing but large, poorly fitting underpants, covered in used ketchup packets, screaming about give him his documents. God knows what treasonous reason he needs them so badly.
Maybe they can put “MY DOCUMENTS” on his tombstone after he dies of natural causes, in prison. Fuckin’ loser.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
Just got to BlueSky!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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