Tapes! Tapes! Come Get Your Lordy There Are MFin’ Trump Tapes!

Tapes! Kaitlan Collins and CNN got ’em! Who leaked ’em? We have our theories about who might think this benefits them (not the DOJ), but we’ll talk about that another time.

We’d say Donald Trump is done for, but his case is still with Judge Aileen Cannon, that idiot.

But all the same, tapes!

So this would be the now-famous scene from the indictment where Trump, in July 2021 at Bedminster, starts bragging and waving around a classified document about secret plans to attack Iran. It is so pathetic in so many ways, on top of how it’s criminal and he’s a fucking traitor and should rot first in prison and then hell.

Among the people he was showing the document to were people writing the biography for former Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows. You know, real top secret clearance types. And the tape runs pretty much just like we had heard. Trump is apparently very mad about a story about former Joint Chiefs Chair Gen. Mark Milley having plans in place for what to do if Trump gave an illegal order, specifically to keep him from starting a war in Iran at the very end of his presidency.

But no! He is insisting: Milley brought him a plan TO attack Iran! (Apparently at the end of Trump’s presidency he was still too stupid to understand that the Pentagon and other agencies plan out pretty much every action, whether they’re recommending those actions or not. Brain worms.)

And you can hear Trump show these people the document he says is from “the Defense Department and him,” meaning Milley. “Pages long.” “Isn’t that amazing? This totally wins my case, you know! Except it is, like, highly confidential! Secret! This is secret information!” At another point, he clarifies that this is of course “off the record.”

He’s so excited. Remember how just after Donald Trump became president in 2017, he was in the Oval Office with Russian officials when he started jizzing super-cool codeword-level intelligence he had from our allies the Israelis, at least seemingly in part just because he wanted them to think he was a really awesome guy with access to really neat stuff? God, how horrifying that was.

This sounds like that. It’s sad, friendless behavior from a stupid fucking loser who’s trying to impress the people writing Mark Meadows’s life story. And again he’s also a traitor, and God knows who else he kept all those documents for.

One of the biographer idiots makes a normal person “joke” about how Hillary Clinton used to “print that out all the time.” “She’d send it to Anthony Weiner, the pervert,” replied Trump, who also knows how to make “jokes.”

And then Trump admitted that he understood he had not declassified these documents as president. “See, as president, I could have declassified it, but now I can’t.” Laughing, the biographer idiot said, “Now we have a problem!”

At the end of the clip Trump asks somebody to bring some Cokes, because it was time for Cokes.

Let’s go to the historians:

“Speaking as a Watergate historian,” tweets Watergate historian Garrett Graff, “there’s nowhere on thousands of hours of Nixon tapes where Nixon makes any comment as clear, as clearly illegal, and as clearly self-aware as this Trump tape.” So that would seem to us a damning assessment.

It also brings to mind an article we read in the Atlantic from Ryan Goodman and Andrew Weissmann, not long after that idiot Aileen Cannon got Trump’s case in Florida, about “Jack Smith’s backup option.” The gist is that Trump was charged in Florida federal court with illegally retaining America’s national security secrets, but not with very intentionally disseminating them in New Jersey, and it suggested Smith might maybe have that card to play in his pocket, should he decide he needs to.

We’ll see if he needs to.

The statement from Trump’s camp is a real doozy. And look, anybody who thought Trump’s hired guns weren’t actively still gargling on his testicles right now, that’s crazy, because of course they are. But this is pretty North Korean News Lady, even for them.

Here’s the text of that Trump spox statement, which really is real, we checked:

“The audio tape provides context proving, once again, that President Trump did nothing wrong at all. The President is speaking rhetorically and also quite humorously [LOLLLL!!! GARGLE GARGLE! — Ed.] about a very perverted individual, Anthony Weiner, who was deep inside the corrupt Clinton campaign. The media and the Trump-haters once again were all too willing to take the bait, falling for another Democrat-DOJ hoax, hook, line, and sinker.:”

Got that, libs? You: pwned. Trump: very funny and hilarious rhetorically speaking guy! Strong brain and ass cheeks you can bounce a quarter off of! And you took the bait again! Wocka wocka!

OK.

Trump is also being predictably measured on Truth Social this morning and last night. First there was this one:

The Deranged Special Prosecutor, Jack Smith, working in conjunction with the DOJ & FBI, illegally leaked and “spun” a tape and transcript of me which is actually an exoneration, rather than what they would have you believe. This continuing Witch Hunt is another ELECTION INTERFERENCE Scam. They are cheaters and thugs!

Haha, no.

And then there was this one just a little while ago:

COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO THE DERANGED, TRUMP HATING JACK SMITH, HIS FAMILY, AND HIS FRIENDS, THAT AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, I COME UNDER THE PRESIDENTIAL RECORDS ACT, AS AFFIRMED BY THE CLINTON SOCKS CASE, NOT BY THIS PSYCHOS’ FANTASY OF THE NEVER USED BEFORE ESPIONAGE ACT OF 1917. “SMITH” SHOULD BE LOOKING AT CROOKED JOE BIDDEN AND ALL OF THE CRIMES THAT HE HAS PERPETRATED ON THE AMERICAN PUBLIC, INCLUDING THE MILLIONS & MILLIONS OF DOLLARS HE EXTORTED FROM FOREIGN COUNTRIES!

Haha, that senile piece of shit is still babbling about “Clinton Socks Case!” And “Crooked Joe Bidden!”

Anyway, no.

Is it time for Trump go to prison never to be heard from again until one day he dies in prison and everybody goes “Huh, he was still alive?” and then goes back to whatever they were doing?

Just checking.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.

Just got to BlueSky!

I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.

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