Greg Abbott Praises Good Texans Of ‘Hambriston’ For Teaching Woke Garth Brooks A Lesson

The jackasses are mad at Garth Brooks right now for committing the unpardonable sin of serving Bud Light at his upcoming downtown Nashville watering hole, and for saying that if you don’t know how to act like a decent human being at his establishment, you can go the fuck elsewhere. “Our thing is this: If you come into this house, love one another,” he said. “If you’re an asshole, there are plenty of other places on lower Broadway to go.”

(And oh, there are. We were in Nashville on Saturday night for a concert at the Mother Church and we just … Nashville. Boy, I don’t know.)

Anyway, you can see why conservatives are mad. Garth Brooks told them to be Christ-like and well-behaved, and if there’s two things MAGA dumpster cows don’t like doin’, it’s that and that. Meanwhile, the Republican governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, he is a breathlessly stupid man and an unrestrained bigot. All these things came together to make a funny this weekend.

Just … look at this motherfucker.

Abbott tweeted a tweet (now deleted) with a story about Garth Brooks being booed off the stage at the 123rd annual Texas Country Jamboree, adding “Go woke. Go broke.” and “Good job Texas.” He wrote, “Garth called his conservative fans. ‘assholes.’ ” (Mistakes from the original.)

Few problems there:

Abbott linked to a story about Brooks from a satire website called The Dunning-Kruger Times.

This would be rejected by a room full of TV writers as lazy and far too on-the-nose.

If the name alone isn’t enough of a giveaway, the site states outright that it’s part of “a network of parody, satire, and tomfoolery,” and adds: “If you believe that it is real, you should have your head examined.”

The site doesn’t even look like a news site, which has never stopped a Texas Republican from sending it to their entire cousin speed dating mailing list in an email forward. The piece’s author is listed as a “Flagg Eagleton, Patriot,” which to be fair sounds like some of the dumb shit moneyed southern white people name their children.

The story Abbott shared says Brooks was booed off the stage at the 123rd Annual Texas Country Jamboree in Hambriston, Texas.

“Hambriston.”

You know how Garth Brooks is always playing the town jamboree in “Hambriston.” Because that makes sense.

The article the very stupid Greg Abbott tweeted claimed that Nashville mayor “Art Tubbolls” (his name is John Cooper) said Nashville wasn’t looking forward to Brooks’s bar opening, quoting him as saying, “we expect there to be a lot of chaos, with leftists swarming the area to flash their fake breasts in front of children.” Abbott fell for that. He’s that stupid.

And people are on Twitter right this very moment calling Greg Abbott very stupid. Some are even bringing up that Greg Abbott is so abjectly fucking stupid that he at least partially fell for the 2015 conspiracy that Barack Obama was doing a false flag military exercise called Operation Jade Helm 15 to declare martial law and overthrow Texas.

It is very unkind to bring up things like that.

Hero Gov. Greg Abbott Will Stop Obama From Doing Martial Law And ISIS To Poor Texans

Bringing up things like that makes Greg Abbott look like a very unserious person.

At press time, Garth Brooks was woke but not broke and Greg Abbott can go fuck himself if he’s not too stupid to figure out how.

“Hambriston.” Jesus Christ.

OPEN THREAD.

[HuffPo]

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