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Most patriotic Americans likely assume Brian Kilmeade is the stupidest person employed by Fox News. You might have begun to feel this way in 2015 after Kilmeade, with the kind of dismay that only comes from intense confusion, expressed frustration that “they” were not able to clear the sharks out of the ocean on the days of big surfing competitions. We don’t know if he thought maybe there might be some kind of VERY BIG net, or a Sharkie Daycare or something that they could go to.
KILMEADE! Stupid Fox News Idiots Confused Why Sharks Always Live In The Ocean So Much
In her video ticking through possibilities to replace Tucker Carlson, Kat Abughazaleh from Media Matters said Kilmeade is a “dial tone” with “nothing behind those eyes.” If we saw that guy on “Celebrity Jeopardy!” we would call the cops on behalf of whatever charity he was playing for.
Out of all the Republican moron reactions to the Durham Report, Kilmeade’s was one of the most interesting, for how sheerly convoluted it was. To review, the Durham Report was a flaming turd that proved nothing and wasted everyone’s time. It’s not even a good attempt at manufacturing a fake alternative facts drunk history to the Trump/Russia investigation that totally exonerates both Donald Trump and Russia. It feels like the shoddy product of an aging, rotting brain, which spent years fixating on whether MAYBE Russian intelligence was telling the truth when it said Hillary Clinton had invented the Trump/Russia hoax to distract from her emails.
Did Hillary really do that? Are the Russian intelligence services our real friends? That is the braindead halfwit goddamned stupid on its face conspiracy theory John Durham spent years investigating like it was real. (Bless his heart.)
And that, children, is the braindead halfwit goddamned stupid on its face conspiracy theory that apparently Brian Kilmeade has absorbed into his small brain as fact. And he thinks that because of it, Hillary Clinton is somehow responsible for Russia’s war of genocidal aggression against Ukraine.
From yesterday’s “Fox & Friends”:
BRIAN KILMEADE: Evidently, they sat down and talked to James Baker, the Durham report. He was one of the few major players to talk to him. And they said. “You know Hillary Clinton launched this campaign, and do you know that John Brennan briefed President [Barack] Obama about this?” And Baker left the room emotional, came back, reportedly, and said essentially, “If I had known this, as the former general counsel to the FBI, I never would’ve supported this probe.” Now, either he’s an actor and a drama queen, or he actually means it.
Or it didn’t happen and Brian Kilmeade is just a fucking moron again.
You may be shocked to learn that this is not what the Durham Report says happened. We don’t know if somebody told Kilmeade the wrong thing or if he’s just stupid. The person who became upset and emotional was another FBI agent, who is unnamed, and who seems like a real fuckin’ dumbass. They didn’t say they wouldn’t have supported the probe, though. That’s an addition to the text. We are not surprised, though, that this person would be Brian Kilmeade’s favorite character. They are a total idiot, just like him.
Bet that guy would be mad about the sharks too.
To be clear, the “intelligence” we are talking about is the obvious Russian disinformation that Hillary had made up the Trump Russia hoax as a trick. This “intelligence” from the Russian security services was first declassified for partisan hack reasons by unfit then-acting Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe in September of 2020, in an effort to ratfuck the 2020 election.
It’s funny how folks on that side are always crying into Putin’s arms whenever they need help with something. Gonna include John Durham in that now, since he spent so much of his investigation apparently obsessed with this idiot-ass conspiracy theory.
KILMEADE: That Barack Obama gets briefed by John Brennan, Brennan doesn’t brief the FBI and says, “Hey Hillary Clinton put you up to this. This is her idea to get everybody off the trail of her emails.”
Literally not even the Russian disinfo version of the conspiracy theory says that. Fucking dipshit.
John Ratcliffe’s letter said, “The IC does not know the accuracy of this allegation or the extent to which the Russian intelligence analysis may reflect exaggeration or fabrication.” Meanwhile Kilmeade is over here doing armpit farts and giggling and saying John Brennan should have briefed the FBI and said, “Hey Hillary Clinton put you up to this!”
KILMEADE: Hillary Clinton later admits to this, and they got fined like $20,000. $20,000.
She did not admit to this, Kilmeade appears to be hallucinating. In interviews with the Durham investigation, Hillary Clinton actually called this conspiracy theory “really sad,” but added, “I get it. You have to go down every rabbit hole.” LOL.
KILMEADE: Do you know what you did to the country? And you could even say on some level you have launched the Ukraine-Russia war
Could you, though?
KILMEADE: Because we were able to — the, President Trump was unable to have any relationship with Vladimir Putin, as diabolical as he is. Do not tell me that didn’t hurt us, our relationship with Russia and ability to possibly stop what we’ve seen now. The death and carnage over in Ukraine.
Yes, Donald Trump was sadly unable to have any relationship with Vladimir Putin. All the times when we saw Trump with his tongue up Putin’s ass, it was extremely impersonal, because of what Hillary had done to their relationship.
Anyway, do not tell Brian that the imaginary strings he just pulled out of his own butt are not real, and that the death and the carnage in Ukraine are not Hillary’s fault. He won’t believe you. He knows about people like YOU.
In summary and in conclusion, here is Brian Kilmeade saying “NICE TRY, VIKINGS,” about how the Vikings “tried to screw us up” and make us think Greenland was green and Iceland was icy.
Four years later and that is still, boy howdy, wow.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
I would like a BlueSky invite.
I’m also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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