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Yesterday, House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer threw a press conference to announce that Joe Biden did a bunch of very bad things. Probably. Where? China maybe. And reporters were like “What bad things did Joe Biden do?” and Comer was like “the badnesses!” and reporters were like “yes but which ones?” and Comer was like “I can’t tell you! They’re too bad!”
So that went well.
And Republican media appearances ever since are going awesome. Comer went on “Fox & Friends” this morning and even Steve Doocy was making fun of his lame-ass nothingburger shit.
Doocy was like YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO SHOW THINGS. After reading off some of Comer’s so-called allegations, he said:
“Your party, the Republican investigators, say that that’s proof of influence-peddling by Hunter and James, but that’s just your suggestion! You don’t actually have any facts to that point. You’ve got some circumstantial evidence. And the other thing is, of all those names, the one person who didn’t profit, there’s no evidence that Joe Biden did anything illegally!”
Comer tried to respond: “Well if you look at the laptop and the emails …” but he was just a babbling hick as usual, saying nothing.
This is not the first time this has happened on “Fox & Friends,” or on Fox News in general.
James Comer Knows What Laws Hunter Biden’s Wangle Doodle Broke But SHHHH He Can’t Tell You Yet
It’s not going better for Comer’s buddies.
Wisconsin Republican Senator Ron Johnson has been making a noble effort to steal the Senate’s Dumbest Republican crown back from Tommy Tuberville. Yesterday, he went on Fox Business and told empty Muppet costume Maria Bartiromo that they’re just going to have to take all the evidence they have of Joe Biden and his known associates and family members having bank accounts and sometimes making deposits and withdrawals, and they’re going to have to INFER what’s going on. That’s right, they’re going to do an impeachment based on INFERRED TREASON.
“People that commit criminal acts try not to leave a paper trail. So it’s very difficult to piece this all together, particularly when you have the leftists, the progressives and the mainstream media doing everything they can to undermine your investigation. On the bank records, you’re not going to see [a] bribe to change this policy. You have to infer what’s happening here. You have to take a look at the bulk of the evidence. You have to follow the money and realize: So what did this Biden family member do to earn that amount of money?”
LOL dang leftists and progressives and mainstream media colluding to undermine the investigation by … making fun of it? Pointing out that you actually can’t impeach based on the vibes you’re getting?
Yeah, we’re petty like that.
Today Johnson went on Fox Business again and talked to a different sentient windsock and it did not go better.
He is so mad, y’all. Where is the quid pro quo, the anchor asked? Well that’s hard to PROVE, said Johnson.
It helps when you have a transcript of the president extorting Ukraine to “do us a favor though” and help him steal an election in exchange for the defense assistance your nation desperately needs to protect itself from the rogue enemy nation next door that indeed ended up attacking it after all. Also when you have shitloads of people who are willing to testify in Congress about all the different aspects of the quid pro quo. And all these documents.
You know, what woke types call “evidence.”
Trump’s Ukraine ‘Transcript’ Is Real, And It Is BUGF*CK
Quid Pro Qu-OOOOLY SH*T! Let’s Read Some State Department Texts About Trump’s Ukraine Crimes!
As that clip above progresses, Johnson gets madder and madder, saying that he and Chuck Grassley “laid out the vast web of financial foreign entanglements of the Bidens in our September 2020 report. The complicit and corrupt media IGNORED IT! They covered up the HUNTER BIDEN LAPTOP!”
You have to watch the video for the prissy pause between “complicit and corrupt media” and “IGNORED IT.”
Also, is that the report where, while Johnson was doin’ his investigatin’, the FBI came to him like “DUDE, your sources are Russian spies, they are fucking with you, god you’re dumb, why are you so dumb?” Was this Johnson’s Biden Ukraine investigation that was always as stupid as he is?
And when he released that big September 2020 report, the worst allegation in it was that Hunter Biden being on the board of Burisma was — WE QUOTE — “awkward”?
Sirs and madams, we’d like to add a second count to the impeachment of Joe Biden. On top of all the vibes, he also did a AWKWARD.
Rudy And Ron Johnson Blew Off FBI Warnings About Russian Spies Because PFFFFFFFT DEEP STATE!
Senator Ron Johnson Determined To Make 2020 Election As Stupid As He Is
CIA Treating Senate’s Dumbest Republican Like Toxic Dump Human He Is
Ron Johnson, Walking Simpson’s ‘You Tried’ Gif, Releases Biden Ukraine Report
After that, Ron Johnson told today’s Fox Business idiot the same thing he told yesterday’s Fox Business idiot, about how we’re gonna have to “infer an awful lot.”
You’re all doing great, boys. Don’t change a thing.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
I would like a BlueSky invite.
I’m also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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