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Ron DeSantis’s fetish is getting spanked by Mickey Mouse, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your Wonkette would never kinkshame! But we are just saying, in the most sex positive way possible, that he might think about doing it in the privacy of his own bedroom instead of sticking it in our faces. Like, forget drag brunch — why are you sexualizing the children by stomping into Disney World and demanding to be taken over Goofy’s knee like that!
Ah, but we kid (sort of). Of course we are speaking about TinyD’s war with the Walt Disney Company, which had the nerve to put out a statement tepidly criticizing his filthy “Don’t Say Gay” bill last year, and has been on the pointy end of a raft of shit from both the Florida Legislature and the statehouse ever since.
We’ve been covering this story for a minute, so let’s just quote ourselves here in case we need a refresher on the backstory:
So Dumpy Ron and his pals in the Legislature decided to stick it to the Mouse by repealing a special tax district which allowed Disney to operate its own local government and not rely on the state of Florida to pick up the trash and keep the grass in the median strip perfectly manicured to ensure the tourists that they are in the happiest place on earth.
The plan to abolish Reedy Creek Improvement District, the 25,000 acre special tax area encompassing parts of Orange and Osceola counties, is of dubious legality, and is projected to cost Florida taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars. But that didn’t stop The Dumpster and his Lil Dumpies from ramming it through.
But the little mice in the Magic Kingdom saw Ron’s white boots coming a mile off. So they got all their lawyers together and figured out a way to make sure that Dumpsterella never did get to the ball. Thus on February 8, the outgoing board of the Reedy Creek Improvement District met and passed a Declaration of Restrictive Covenants giving most of its power back to Disney, thwarting DeSantis’s plan to put his own people in charge.
So Meatball Ron threw another tantrum and told the Legislature to pass a law allowing the Central Florida Tourism Oversight District board — that’s the pack of cronies he appointed to replace the Reedy Creek Improvement District board — to repudiate the Declaration of Restrictive Covenants. And that’s exactly what they purported to do last Thursday, April 26, at a CFTOD board meeting.
Within an hour, Disney’s very good lawyers filed a federal lawsuit claiming that the board’s action and the enabling legislation violate the Contracts Clause and the Takings Clause by abrogating a contract and seizing private contract rights. They further challenge all the legislation enacted to target Disney as a violation of due process and unlawful retaliation in violation of the First Amendment. That last was helped by DeSantis and his allies fairly shouting into every microphone they could find that they were doing this to punish Disney for its speech and had no other reason for enacting the laws.
Meeska, Mooska, shut your mouth!
Yesterday the CFTOD board met again to authorize a defense to the federal suit and the filing of their own complaint against Disney. No, they’re not filing a counterclaim in federal court, where the Disney suit landed on the docket of Chief Judge Mark Walker, who has shown hostility to some of DeSantis’s prior attacks on the First Amendment.
“We will seek justice in state court here in central Florida where both it and Disney do business. Yes, we’ll seek justice in our own backyard,” CFTOD board chair Martin Garcia said yesterday, adding that, “In essence, Disney is asking a federal court in Tallahassee to wrestle back the hands of time to 1967 while this board is instead charged, legislatively, with bringing the district into the 21st century, with new and better policies and practices.”
Which is all well and good, except that nobody in Tallahassee showed any interest in reforming Disney’s governance until 2022 when the company got crosswise with Governor Pisspants. So, pretending that Mickey’s trying to go back to the ’60s is pretty rich.
But the CFTOD followed through on its threat and filed a complaint in Orange County last night. Naturally it employs the same over-caffeinated rhetoric as the man who started this fatwa:
In an effort to stymie Florida’s elected representatives, Disney covertly cobbled together a series of eleventh hour deals with its soon-to-be-replaced puppet government. Disney hoped to tie the hands of the new, independent Board and to preserve Disney’s special status as its own government in the District for at least the next thirty years. These agreements reek of a backroom deal—drafted by Disney with the acquiescence a lawyer who represented both Disney and the District, set for hearing without proper notice, and hustled through a compliant Disney-controlled Board that Disney knew would not dwell long on the issue.
The CFTOD seeks a judicial ruling that the Declaration ceding powers from RCID to Disney is invalid because it violates Florida law and because the RCID failed to give notice to all affected parties. Not being a Florida lawyer, Your Wonkette is not going to comment on the strength of these claims. But we will note that this case is almost certain to be removed to federal court toot sweet and combined with the pending lawsuit against CFTOD, since they involve the same set of facts. And considering how hilariously flatfooted DeSantis’s goons and their lawyers have been thus far, well, our money’s on the Mouse.
[Miami Herald / Walt Disney Parks & Resorts Inc. v. DeSantis, docket via Court Listener]
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