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As you are probably aware, Donald Trump was scheduled to appear before Pontius Pilate today at 2:15 p.m. ET.
And Pilate looked upon Trump and found him sinless and blameless before all men. And he looked upon the accusers and said, “You brought me this man as one who was inciting the people to rebellion. I have examined him in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against him. He has done nothing to deserve death. Therefore, I will release him!”
And the crowd said “NOOOOOOOOOO OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”
And Pilate said “You guysssssssssss.”
And the crowd said “CRUCIFY HIM! CRUCIFY HIM!”
And Pilate again said, “Why? What crime has this man committed? I have found in him no grounds for the death penalty. What’s a little porn peener payoff between friends? What about Hillary’s emails? What about OBAMA NETFLIX?”
But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that he be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. So Pilate was like OK fine, fuck this guy, and gave Trump to the unruly crowd.
As the soldiers led him away, a large number of people followed, including women who mourn and wail for him. And Trump turned to them and said, “Do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!'” Because even then he was thinkin’ about boobies.
Anyway, bing bong, up on the cross you go!
And the crowd will sneer and say, “If you really are the real president then find yourself 11,780 votes in Georgia!” and other funny things like that. And Trump will say, “Father forgive them, even the haters and losers!”
Yadda yadda, big thunderstorm, darkness over all the land, you know the rest.
Murdered to death just for the totally fake made-up crime of trying to Make Galilee Great Again.
At least that is what Marjorie Taylor Greene seems to think is happening today.
Here she is after her failed New York protest, telling an RSBN interviewer, who she is also apparently dating — for quite a while now, DO THE MATH! — about how this is just like Nelson Mandela and Jesus:
GREENE: President Trump is joining some of the most incredible people in history being arrested today.
All the best people in history are arrested.
GREENE: Ummmmm, Nelson Mandela was arrested, served time in prison. Jesus! Jesus was arrested and murdered by the Roman government! There have been many people throughout history that have been arrested and persecuted by radical corrupt governments, and it’s beginning today in New York City, and I just can’t believe it’s happening, but I’ll always support him, he’s done nothing wrong.
Trump, Nelson Mandela, and Jesus. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s most favorite guys ever. You betcha.
Anyway, then Greene and the RSBN guy did their kisses.
As for her own little protest, it didn’t seem to go so well. And she seemed so excited when she got to New York yesterday.
Awwww, bless her heart. First time in the Big City? Is that an attempted right-wing jab about crime — you know, the kind Alvin Bragg WON’T PROSECUTE because he LOVES IT SO MUCH — or was there a guy dressed as Batman in Times Square? Or both?
Anyway.
You can find lots of people making fun of her shit rally on Twitter. We’ll just focus on Ben Collins from NBC News, because he’s good and smart and people like him.
Apparently there really weren’t many people there — reporters and undercover cops waaaaay outnumbered the actual pro-Trump protesters — and you couldn’t hear Marjorie Taylor Greene speak because of all these people chanting and all these damn whistles. And why all these damn whistles?
Well there was a Trump guy, and he didn’t even know MTG was talking, and he was giving out free whistles because they needed to make a noise for Trump.
Greene was apparently there for about eight seconds, as was George Santos. Only the most serious lawmaker types. She was really upset about the whistles. “You send your henchmen down here to commit assault against people by making loud noises,” she apparently said, in comments that were supposed to be directed at New York Mayor Eric Adams.
Maybe she thought they were Jewish Space Whistles.
Some others showed up:
There seemed to be a theme among Trump’s supporters:
And there was this guy:
Cool day, everyone.
We don’t know what will be happening by the time you read this, but if you want to see a video of Donald Trump waddling into a courthouse to go tell a judge he did not porn peener payoff campaign finance that lady 34 times, here is a video stream you can probably rewind to see it again.
And you can watch this video of Greene running away from her own event, getting the New York welcome she deserves:
Greatest city in the world.
By the way, the real charges are out. It’s a pretty basic read, just “fucker falsified this business record in relation to another crime” written 34 times. And here’s your criminal information. That’s the one you want to read. We’ll decipher it all for you tomorrow.
Oh, and OPEN THREAD.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here
And once that doesn’t exist, I’m also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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