Nikki Haley launched her doomed presidential campaign exactly a week ago, and she’s already doubled her support among potential Republican primary voters. She’s skyrocketed from three percent to six percent, tying her with former vice president Mike Pence. According to The Hill, her popularity is surging through the roof of a tiny house.
While her boost in a likely primary matchup was modest, Haley did see a significant increase in popularity, with 62 percent of Republican primary voters saying they have a favorable view of the GOP candidate. This is up 17 percent from before her campaign announcement on Feb. 14.
They like her fine, but they won’t take her to prom, no matter how much their aunt nags them.
Although Haley won’t say a harsh word about her former boss and primary frontrunner Donald Trump, she is currently running circles around CNN anchor Don Lemon, who unfortunately for her isn’t running for president.
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Last week, Lemon made some gross, sexist, ageist comments about Haley in response to comments she’d made that were merely gross and ageist. You should never escalate the offensiveness when criticizing someone. Haley has called for “mental competency” tests for candidates over 75, which coincidentally includes both President Joe Biden and Trump. This is obviously discriminatory and (in the private sector at least) possibly illegal. Republicans smear Biden as senile without actually connecting any of his policies to any mental impairment. They hate young, spry Pete Buttigieg, as well.
Lemon went off like the sexist loudmouth at a barbershop, so now Haley can play the victim, and not without cause. She was at least making a point about mental acuity, rather than perceived fuckability, like Lemon appeared to be. Pressing her advantage, Haley tested the slogan “Past My Prime? Hold My Beer” during an interview with perpetually appalled Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner, and is now selling beer koozies with the message. She’s the true underdog candidate who demands a long-form mental health certificate from her older political opponents.
Of course, if Haley wants to actually break double digits in a Republican primary, she’ll need the support of Fox News grand dragon Tucker Carlson. Tuesday night, he seemed to side with Lemon, who has agreed to participate in formal “stop being so sexist” training.
Of course, Carlson couldn’t resist repeatedly mispronouncing Lemon’s name as “Le-MON.” It’s one of his running gags with women and non-white people. It’s so hard to say funny names like “Lemon”!
“Don Lemon may be Black, but that doesn’t mean he is allowed to criticize Nikki Haley. Sorry!” Carlson ranted. “If it’s a choice between a Black man and liberal white lady, the Democratic Party will drop the Black guy every single time. Who makes up a bigger proportion of the electorate: the Don Lemons or the Nikki Haleys? It’s not a close call. Shut up, Black guy! How dare you criticize girl power or pretend that biology is real? You’re fired!”
Nikki Haley makes up roughly zero percent of the Democratic electorate because she’s neither a liberal nor a Democratic voter.
Anyway, Carlson described the backlash against Lemon’s stupid remarks as the escalation of identity politics that would inevitably lead to “balkanization, atomization, racial strife, hatred, division, and craziness. In the end, Rwanda” — or you know, the “national divorce,” that Marjorie Taylor Greene would promote less than an hour later on Sean Hannity’s show. And also probably literally Rwanda, because Tucker talks about that A LOT.
Jesus Christ, people take this asshole seriously.
Back in reality, Lemon wasn’t drawn and quartered or even mildly cancelled. The “revolution” didn’t “eat its own,” as Carlson claimed. Lemon was back on the air Wednesday morning and before returning to work, he tweeted, “I’ve heard you, I’m learning from you, and I’m committed to doing better.”
Lemon’s gonna be fine. It’s Haley’s future that’s far less bright. Carlson blasted Haley as “fundamentally indistinguishable from the neo-liberal donor base of the Democratic Party.” That’s obviously untrue, but it’s a narrative that will soon set like concrete and decisively end Haley’s presidential ambitions.
Marjorie Taylor Greene has also called Haley “George W. Bush in heels.” She’s not going to sell enough koozies to overcome this.
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