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As you are probably aware, there was a whole situation with air travel yesterday. (Evergreen statement.) All flights had to be grounded because of a corrupted file that required the Federal Aviation Administration’s (FAA) entire computer system be shut down, or alternately, because Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is gay.
Occam’s razor? More like Occam’s GAY-ZOR, we’ll see ourselves out.
The problem was specifically in the FAA’s Notice to Air Missions System (NOTAM), which NBC News explains sends pilots information they need in order to fly. Bookmark this fact in your brain for a few paragraphs down.
All the usual suspects started getting red in the face and out of breath bitching and moaning about how this was caused by “woke.” As you should know by now, “woke” is the new catchall excuse for any white conservative bitching and moaning about literally anything. Dirty dishes in the sink? WOKE. Get passed over for a job by a smarter candidate? Probably WOKE hiring policies. Wife leave you for a younger man? Kids won’t come home for Thanksgiving because they hate you? WOKE WOKE WOKE WOKE WOKE.
Jesse Watters had a weird one on Fox News yesterday afternoon. Really just melted down over this. Let’s follow him on his journey.
JESSE WATTERS: Here’s what I want. If this happens, I want to see ferocity. I want to see someone like, “This is unacceptable! This is never going to happen again. This cannot happen again and I’m going to get to the bottom of this and I’m going to stay here and take every single question.” But Pete — and this is why he looks so good — he looks like he’s twelve because the guy’s never stressed. He’s like, “You know what? We’ll get to — we’ll fix it. We got this.” No, I don’t want that.
Jesse Watters needs Secretary Mayor Pete to be more emotional, because these things make Jesse feel emotional.
And I’m not saying it’s his fault, I’m not saying he downloaded some virus from this computer and it wrecked the whole system,
Good, because that would be a really deranged thing to say.
although I’m not ruling that out.
Oh.
But he sets the tone for the FAA. And the tone is woke.
And if the tone is woke and Pete sets the tone (gay) then the computers crash.
WATTERS: Because they’re not spending money on these computers, these computers are 40 years old. They’re changing the word “airmen” because a transvestite pilot might get offended? Like, she’s not going to take off, or he’s not going to take off because she’s called an airman —
GREG GUTFELD: They, Jesse.
JEANINE PIRRO: They.
WATTERS: It’s impossible. […]
GUTFELD: Did you say transvestite?
JESSICA TARLOV: He did. He said “transvestite.”
GUTFELD: There’s a word you don’t hear from —
WATTERS: We’ll talk about it during the commercial break.
TARLOV: It’s 2023.
WATTERS: Well, wait a second. Okay, well let’s get into this. What is the difference?
Oh sweet Lord, where do we even start?
First of all, you might be surprised Jesse and pals went directly to trans panic. Considering Jesse’s own personal history, we would have expected him to tell a story about the time he tried to let the air out of a lady pilot’s airplane wheels to try to trick her into getting into his car.
Instead, trans panic, something new and different! But what is Watters bitching about, changing the word “airmen” and that is how Gay Mayor Pete kept the transvestite planes on the ground?
On Fox News’s website right now, there is a sneering white conservative victim diatribe masquerading as a serious news article, written by somebody named “Aubrie Spady” (we shit you not), claiming that “pilots” are “outraged” by “woke FAA spending” after this event yesterday. Which pilots? Oh, just all of ’em. Definitely a scientific sample “Aubrie Spady” talked to, and not just whoever answered the question “HEY Y’ALL, ANYBODY GO AIR-PANE?” on an incel message board.
In fact, Spady quotes one (1) pilot, who upon brief googling does not appear to actually be working as a pilot right now. Dude writes for the Daily Caller, though!
In the first sentence of “news article,” Spady says “pilots” are outraged over the FAA’s “woke 2023 budget that invests millions in ‘inclusion’ and ‘environmental justice’ initiatives.” And Spady explains that in December 2021, Buttigieg changed the NOTAM acronym from standing for “Notice to Airmen” to “Notice to Air Missions.” She quotes some wingnut aviation lawyer who has a whole lot to whine about that.
The article claims the Department of Transportation is “under fire” for “focusing on staying woke” INSTEAD OF doing all the other things. You know, as if DOT being “under fire for woke” isn’t 100 PERCENT SOLELY a creation of the ass-to-mouth circular rage pipeline that runs between Fox News’s on-air talent and its “news” department.
So that is how we got to Jesse Watters dying of consumption on a fainting couch because they’re changing the word “airmen” to keep the transvestite pilots from getting offended.
And Greg Gutfeld and Judge Boxwine both correct Jesse and say “they” when he refers to the imaginary transvestite pilot as “she,” as if Greg and Judge Boxwine are the experts on Jesse’s imaginary transvestite pilot’s pronouns.
And Jesse gets confused because he doesn’t know why even the Fox News idiots surrounding him are like “Transvestite? What century do you even live in?”
Real people think Fox News is the news. It is astounding.
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And once that doesn’t exist, I’m also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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