This is a gross video and if there are any children present in the room, you should not play it before sending them out. We honestly don’t know what prolonged exposure to Tucker Carlson giggling his special giggle about Liz Cheney getting “spanked” in Tuesday night’s primary could do to an innocent child, but it can’t be good.
It’s not a sound people on this planet make, at least not when they’re genuinely laughing. It’s like a hybrid of the Mozart giggle in Amadeus and Patrick Bateman in American Psycho doing his best impression of a person who has a soul behind their eyes.
Anyway, Tucker was so excited to report Wednesday night that “Liz Cheney is America’s foremost defender of democracy, but democracy SPANKED HER HARD LAST NIGHT!” There’s that Tucker-style misogyny, which is probably directly related to his well-documented masculinity issues. And then he made his laugh, like it was written in the script.
He continued, “But it didn’t decrease her arrogance! She compared herself to Abraham Lincoln! We’re gonna have a gloat-a-thon, we’re just gonna say it, we’re gonna have a gloat-a-thon over the defeat of Liz Cheney, and we’re gonna enjoy the hell out of it, and we hope you will too!”
Uh, OK.
Likewise, here is Eric Trump on Newsmax, bragging on how his daddy “killed another political dynasty.” Because “he first killed the Bushes, then he killed the Clintons, and last night he killed the Cheneys.” We’d focus more on how little Eric said his daddy “killed” those people, but look, it’s already rock bottom for Donald Trump to be your father and to have to brag on him. We imagine he desperately needs to believe his daddy killed all those people, like PEW PEW PEW!
This comes after Tuesday night on Fox News, as the results were coming in, when they were gloating about Cheney’s completed expected loss in real time. Tucker said it happened because “God does exist.” Other Fox hosts said other things that aren’t worth copy/pasting.
It’s all so stupid, because Liz Cheney knew this was going to happen, that in the modern authoritarian shithole version of the Republican Party, that if you act as a patriot, you will get primaried and you will lose. She did it anyway. (Yes, we hear all those of you reminding us that the Cheneys are bad and have a bad history of doing bad things. You are correct! Now go sit quietly in the special room we’ve set up for people who are correct.)
She knew she was going to lose, and she said on the record this month that if her fight for the Constitution requires it, losing her seat is worth it. “Now the real work begins,” she said in her concession speech that turned into more of a bonus, impromptu January 6 hearing.
You’d have to be a moron not to see that wherever Cheney goes next, she has more power now than she did before. So Tucker might want to jam a pacifier in his face to plug up those giggles, and Eric might need to stop laboring under the delusion he has a father he can be proud of. (Lord, read Politico Playbook this morning for a roundup of just how badly Trump appears to be skullfucking the Senate for Republicans with his abject moron candidates. But sure, boys, brag on how he got Liz Cheney!)
As Media Matters notes, Fox News played a big part in creating Cheney’s political career. But she committed the unforgivable sins of acting as if Donald Trump does not deserve to be dictator-for-life and calling bullshit on his obvious lies about the election being stolen. She didn’t think it was OK for a president to incite a terrorist attack against his own country because he’s too thin-skinned and weak to accept that a giant majority of the country loathes the very air he exhales.
If you need to hear more of Tucker’s very natural man giggles about Liz Cheney, send your kids out of the room again and here you go:
Bless his heart.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!
