Secretary Mayor Pete Shoves Fox News A-Hole Into Locker, You Love To Watch!

The other day, some protesters were very mean to Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh at the Morton’s steakhouse in Washington DC. They did not respect his right to privacy or his sense of his bodily autonomy, which entails being a white man who thinks he gets to just destroy people’s lives in service of his partisan hack ideologue religious beliefs, and then go out for steak.

To which we and most Americans reply: fuck you.

Of course, the protesters didn’t actually do anything to Kavanaugh. He didn’t hear them, he snuck out the back like a fucking coward, the restaurant whined about it, and now their Yelp reviews reflect the fact that they didn’t know when it was time to shut their goddamn mouths and stick to cooking steaks.

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was asked about this on Fox News, because unlike a lot of decent people, he goes on Fox News. We are not arguing whether it’s generally a good or bad idea for normal, honest people to go on Fox News, just kidding yes we are, it’s bad. It legitimizes the network as a place of real news, and its hosts, especially the night time ones, are trained to shout over people and filibuster liberal guests and use them as target practice for armpit farts. It’s not a serious operation.

But Mayor Transportation Secretary is the exception, because he is one of the only people out there who’s just fuckin’ good it and beats them at their game every damn time. Also he really scares Tucker Carlson, and that’s reason enough.

Anyway, he’s done it again, and it’s goin’ viral. The dumb fucking idiot “Fox News Sunday” host showed a tweet from Pete’s husband Chasten Buttigieg, making a joke about Brett Kavanaugh just wanting to exercise his right to “privacy to make his own dining decisions.” We’ve all made the joke, it’s in this blog post, it is the official Joke Of The Weekend. “Is that appropriate?” asked the dumb fucking idiot “Fox News Sunday” host. Apparently very extremely snowflake white racist conservatives are upset about Chasten Buttigieg’s tweet.

And so Pete beat the shit out of the Fox News guy and shoved him into a locker.

BUTTIGIEG: Look, when public officials go into public life, we should expect two things: One, you should always be free from violence, harassment and intimidation. And two, you’re never going to be free from criticism or peaceful protest, people exercising their First Amendment Rights. And that’s what happened in this case. Remember the justice never even came into contact with these protesters, reportedly didn’t see or hear them.

And these protesters are upset because a right, an important right that the majority of Americans support, was taken away. Not only the right to choose, by the way. But this justice was part of the process of stripping away the right to privacy.

As long as I’ve been alive, settled case law in the United States has been that the Constitution protected a right to privacy. And that has now been thrown out the window by justices, including Justice Kavanaugh, who as I recall swore up and down in front of God and everyone, including the United States Congress, that they were going to leave settled case law alone.

So yes, people are upset. They’re going to exercise their First Amendment rights. And as long as that’s peaceful, that’s protected.

Yes, that is what Brett Kavanaugh did. He lied to the American people and he lied to senators and lest we forget, he just really likes beer. And was credibly accused of sexual assault. He thinks he gets to make rules for other people’s lives.

BUTTIGIEG: Compare that for example to the reality that as a country, right now, we’re reckoning with the fact that a mob summoned by the former president …

At this point the stupid, stupid asshole host desperately tried to interrupt and shift gears, but nope. Pete was very busy pulling the dude out of the locker he had just shoved him in, so he could stuff him into a different locker.

BUTTIGIEG: … attacked the United States Capitol for the purpose of overthrowing the election and very nearly succeeded in preventing the peaceful transfer of power. I think common sense can tell the difference.

But, but but! The fucking dork tried again. “But as a high profile public figure, sir, are you comfortable with protesters protesting when you and your husband go to dinner at a restaurant?”