Tucker So Mad Joe Biden Forced Russia Into Nuclear War We’re Having Right Now

Let’s see, what are the headlines on Ukraine and Russia today?

Ukraine just keeps slamming through Russian forces in the east and in the south, even in areas Russia is trying to illegally annex steal, and Ukraine’s troops are getting closer and closer to Russian-occupied Crimea. A western official quoted by the Washington Post says that “Ukraine is dictating the operational tempo at the moment,” and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy says there’s a “growing understanding that Russia made a mistake by starting a war against Ukraine.”

So here’s Tucker Carlson and his sassy gay friend last night:

Well, they gotta do whatever Putin tells them they gotta do.

Last week, Tucker was accusing the Biden administration of attacking the Nord Stream 2 pipelines in order to somehow provoke Russia — the logic makes zero sense unless you are huffing Vladimir Putin’s taint hairs — but we guess he was sort of technically still doing it in a Just Asking Questions sort of way. (And Russian media LOVED it. They had a borscht-gasm all over EVERYWHERE about Tucker’s coverage, like they always do.)

Last night Tucker claimed, based on no actual evidence besides what he says is a confession from Secretary of State Antony Blinken, that it has been CONFIRMED that the Biden administration attacked the pipelines. This is a lie, obviously.

TUCKER: Last Tuesday, the largest act of industrial terrorism in our lifetime was “a baffling crime,” said Tony Blinken. But by Friday, that same event had become “a tremendous opportunity.” In fact, “a tremendous strategic opportunity for the years to come.” It’s a good thing.

Now, that’s an admission. That’s the clearest admission we’re ever going to get. No one could miss it, least of all the Russians. The Biden administration is responsible, either directly or through proxies, for the destruction of the Nord Stream pipelines and the environmental catastrophe and the economic collapse that will certainly follow. That is true. It’s done. So the question is, where does that leave us? And that’s the problem.

If you watch enough Tucker, you’ll notice that he has a certain tic where he looks directly at the camera and says “This is true” or “This is real.” It’s a clear indication that whatever he’s saying is an absolute lie, but it’s part of his little shtick. It’s remarkably consistent.

But anyway, Putin’s hand was up his ass making his mouth move and he was saying what now?

TUCKER: This act leaves us, the United States, with no option but total war with Russia. There is no off-ramp now. There is no way out. We are all-in, no matter what that means, no matter where it goes. Are you shocked by this? Was there a vote on this? Did someone ask your opinion? No, but it’s been happening for months in slow motion. It’s been hidden from public view by the near-total blackout imposed by American media outlets.

Literally nobody wants total war with Russia. We want Ukraine to continue kicking Russia’s ass and if Putin’s government collapses in the process, oh well, we’re sure the world’s biggest gas station can find a new manager to rob it blind.

Nobody confessed to attacking the pipeline as an act of aggression against Russia. Indeed, the only thing that seems to be happening here is that Tucker appears to be trying to help Putin create some kind of pretense for escalating his war, and to make Putin’s Russia look like a legitimate superpower on par with the United States, as opposed to the fucking clownshow its war on Ukraine has exposed it to be.

Meanwhile, Putin — through his sham annexations and referenda, in particular — desperately wants to be able to credibly claim he’s acting in self-defense. Our guess here is that if Russia ultimately pulls out a nuke, Tucker will find a way to claim America and/or Ukraine had it coming.

After all, he’s been claiming since the beginning that Russia only invaded Ukraine in the first place because evil scheming Joe Biden and Kamala Harris forced his hand. Poor Putin has no agency of his own. And he’s been claiming, despite all reality, that Putin is winning the war.

Last week, he fawningly referred to Russia as the “largest nuclear power in the world,” saying America was now “directly at war” with Russia. That direct nuclear war with Russia failed to materialize over the weekend, so Tucker just redoubled his efforts last night. “No option but total war! There is no off-ramp now! There is no way out! We are all-in!”

As last night’s segment went on, Tucker bitched and moaned that Ukraine wouldn’t do a “peace agreement” with Russia back in March, wherein it would promise not to join NATO, and in exchange Russia would stop exploding Ukrainian babies. (Quick NATO membership for Ukraine has never been on the table, is not why Putin invaded, and Russia actually doesn’t get to dictate to its neighbors which military alliances they do and do not join.) Tucker lied and said Zelenskyy only was unable to do that peace agreement because Joe Biden wouldn’t let him.

TUCKER: Despite what you may hear on NBC News, Zelenskyy is not the independent leader of a democratic nation, no, not even close, that is a fiction. Zelenskyy is a client of the Biden administration, which runs his country. And ideologues within the Biden administration did not want negotiated peace in Ukraine. They wanted all along, and it’s very clear now, regime change war against Russia. Period. So that’s what they are now getting.

This is the narrative Tucker wants us to believe. LOL.

At press time the Ukrainians were running over Putin’s dick over and over again, just backing up, running over it again, backing up, running over it again, and so forth.

Weirdest total war between America and Russia ever.

[Media Matters]

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