Senator Voldemort is back with a new ad in which he doubles down on his shitty MAGA plan to fuck over America, because he really hates us, and he hates Mitch McConnell most of all. Rick Scott (R-Florida) promises that if the Republicans can win control of the Senate in this year’s midterms, he will for sure go right ahead with raising taxes on working Americans and follow through on his plan to make all laws expire every five years, including of course Social Security, Medicare, labor laws, and everything else. That way, Congress can spend its time in 100 percent crisis mode, reauthorizing every law imaginable and driving businesses into chaos because every single part of American law might change every few years. If there’s one thing businesses hate, it’s stability and long-range planning.
Just think: It’d be like the week before a possible government shutdown, but all the time!
Now let me tell you what will not be part of our agenda. We will not have as part of our agenda a bill that raises taxes on half the American people, and sunsets Social Security and Medicare within five years. That will not be part of a Republican Senate majority agenda.
Well by golly, Rick Scott isn’t about to let McConnell get the better of him, because Rick Scott knows his plan is wildly popular with the Rick Scott supporters who have heard of it and think low income people who don’t look like them should pay more taxes. Yesterday, Scott released an ad in which he says he’d like to “apologize — to absolutely nobody.” It’s a quote from some Irish UFC fighter a few years ago, so saying it makes Rick Scott the multimillionaire very relatable.
And who would Rick Scott like to treat to a double-leg takedown in the octagon? Scott explains that while his Contract on America is wildly popular outside Washington (trust him on that!), “Joe Biden, Chuck Schumer, and even some Republicans are angry.” In this case, “even some Republicans” is his subtle way of saying Mitch McConnell, if you know who he means and he knows you do.
Scott then makes his great big show of defiance to these enemies of the people: “So, in the words of famous UFC fighter Conor McGregor, I’d like to apologize — to absolutely nobody in Washington.”
Wouldn’t a UFC match among Biden, Schumer, Scott, and McConnell just be the saddest Old White Man Thunderdome imaginable?
Scott mocks Biden for calling his fantastic 11-point plan an “ultra MAGA plan,” and says Ultra MAGA is way better than Biden’s “ultra socialist plan,” so take that, Joe Biden, you and your Little Red Book.
One does wonder, though: If Biden is so horrible, why is Scott’s weird collection of talking points (it is in no way a “plan”) named the “Plan to Rescue America,” which sounds just the teensiest bit like Biden’s American Rescue Plan? Coincidence, I’m sure.
Scott also explains he’s gotten all sorts of terrific suggestions from the American people at his website, and now he’s going to add two of them to the new version 2.0 of his plan: He will “reduce our dependence on communist China” in some super important ways to be defined later, and also he will “cut taxes” by not actually cutting taxes, but instead by keeping Donald Trump’s 2017 tax cuts in place. That counts as a tax cut, probably, since Scott — lying, as usual — says Joe Biden wants to raise taxes on the middle class and give the money to rich liberals!!!!!! (He means the last-minute inclusion, in the House version of Build Back Better, of a renewed deduction for state and local taxes. Biden didn’t want it, and the fact that I’m not driving an electric car yet indicates that Build Back Better didn’t pass in any form at all.)
In conclusion, this seems like as good a place as any to remind you that in a recent poll, Rick Scott lost a hypothetical GOP Senate primary for his own seat to Donald Trump Jr. by 20 points, 52 percent to 32 percent, neener neener, the end.
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