As predicted by everyone as soon as Ashli Babbitt’s family got $5 million from the government for the way it made her attack Congresspeople, other insurrectionists with dollar signs for pupils are now stepping up to dip their fingers in the taxpayer till and get compensated, crying POLITICAL PERSECUTION. Not content to simply spank each other off into the sunset while squealing the names of breakfast cereals, the Proud Boys now want a payout too!
Five of them, Enrique Tarrio, Zachary Rehl, Ethan Nordean, Joseph Biggs, and Dominic Pezzola, are suing the government for $100 million of your American taxpayer dollars, claiming the government deprived them and their wholesome patriotic group of constitutional rights four through six. And with Pam Bondi running the DOJ show, shit, they might even get something.
Trump pardoned Tarrio, but not Rehl, Biggs, Nordean, or Pezzola — they had their sentences commuted. As in, out of all of those 1,570 Capitol rioters, even Trump couldn’t bring himself to let those guys be able to walk around with guns.
The PB’s filed their lawsuit Friday. And as it happens, that very same day former DC Police Lieutenant Shane Lamond, who was convicted of obstructing justice and lying to federal agents about leaking information to the group, got sentenced to 18 months for helping them. Though Trump will probably have pardoned him in the time it takes me to hit “send.” They were such buds that Tarrio, Ivan Raiklin, and Elmer Rhodes showed up for Lamond’s sentencing, with Tarrio wearing his finest QAnon hashtag FridayFlannel.
And then Tarrio tried to have a press conference. It didn’t go so well!
If you didn’t watch, we will summarize: SOMETHING SOMETHING CAPITOL JANUARY SIX! TRAITOR! BASTARD! TRAITOR! WHOOOOOOOOP! Whoever you are, person, cheers to you.
Lamond was supposed to have been keeping tabs on the Proud Boys in the runup to January 6, but as Judge Amy Berman Jackson said as she handed down the sentence, “It’s clear Tarrio was using Lamond as a source, not the other way around, and he was happy to help.”
Lamond even warned Tarrio that an arrest warrant had been issued for him on January 4, 2021, for tearing down a Black Lives Matter banner from a DC church and burning it and having illegal large-capacity magazines on him. You know, like those armed protestors-burning-down-cities that right-wingers are always projecting are antifa.
And then later Lamond lied to investigators and deleted his 676 encrypted text messages with Tarrio, trying to cover up their communications. Lamond even tried to help Tarrio and his Boys out by advising him to use more secure communications than posting all of their plans on Parler.
But Lamond’s attempts to help did not seem to help much! Tarrio showed up in DC on January 5 anyway, in spite of being warned about the arrest warrant. And he was, in fact, arrested, then released and ordered to leave town. Which Tarrio did not do right away either! Instead he stopped to chat about plans in a parking garage with the Oath Keepers’ Elmer Rhodes, in the presence of a Danish film crew that filmed the whole thing.
And in spite of Lamond’s advice, all of them seemed to remain unaware that investigators had the ability to access deleted or encrypted messages. From charging documents: “Tarrio told another individual that he had cleared all of the messages on his phone before he was arrested. Tarrio further stated that no one would be able to get into his phone because there were ‘two steps’ to get into it.”
Two whole steps! DERP! The finest minds!
Should we all quick-refresh our memories on what those guys did on that day? That is easy to do, as those dumbshit bags of toenails would not quit taking notes on their criminal fucking conspiracy, and texted each other literally 500,000 times, when they were not filming themselves or getting filmed by everybody else, tough-talking, rough-housing, pepper-spraying and window-breaking like the musket-less out-of-shape second coming of the Continental army.
Tarrio was not physically present at the Capitol, as he did eventually decamp to Baltimore, but he kept in touch through his many chats. But Biggs and Tarrio planned and coordinated the attack, telling everyone on the group chat to wear black instead of black AND yellow, so no one would know who they were, and would think they were antifas instead, tee hee!
Pezzola was the first person to breach the Capitol, smashing in a window with a riot shield he stole. There he is!
And Nordean, Biggs, and Rehl pushed over metal fencing that was supposed to be keeping people out. Watch!
Rehl was also found to have pepper-sprayed officers in the face. Back the blue!
And then all of them gloated about it over their phones, with Tarrio messaging them, “make no mistake, we did this,” and Biggs bragging about it on a podcast.
All five were convicted, by a jury, not by the robot-clone of Joe Biden. Tarrio was sentenced to 22 years, Nordean got 18, Biggs got 17, Rehl got 15, and Pezzola got 10.
And now Trump has released his personal army of treasonous pukes to walk among us.
Will these five succeed in rewriting history to make themselves the victims of January 6, and pocket millions? Can they even keep themselves from getting arrested again? Tarrio just got himself arrested in February for hitting a protestor outside of CPAC, because they sure can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves.
But the Proud Boys have got big dreams. Biggs told USA Today he wants to reform the American justice system with the help of Kim Kardashian. Nordean wants to start an organization that will “reclaim” American masculinity for young men. Rehl would like to run for Congress, and Tarrio would like to run for sheriff of Miami.
In the new Trump Golden Age, it’s now all possible for them, except maybe the Kim Kardashian part. Welcome to the upside-down!
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