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We do not know what plans Vice President Kamala Harris has in mind for Secretary Mayor Pete Buttigieg, the current Secretary Mayor Pete of Transportation. He could stay there at Transportation, opening investigations into Delta Airlines for WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, DELTA?
He could be the veep.
Or Harris could just create a Cabinet position of secretary of stuffing MAGA assholes into lockers, on Fox News and elsewhere.
Secretary Mayor Pete took a turn on JD Vance last night on CNN. As ever, we say Christ, he is good at this. He just stuffed Vance in lockers and gave him swirlies over and over and over again.
We think it’s his slow, measured, assured, grinning delivery. He’s not mad. He’s just fucking smarter than MAGA losers are, and more accomplished, and stronger, and superior in every way, and he knows it, but not in a cocky way. It’s just how it is.
Get a snack, you’re watching all these.
In this first clip, Pete says JD Vance was “at his most convincing and effective when he talked about how unfit for office Donald Trump is.” He added that Vance has “not explained any reason — other than of course his obvious interest in power — why he’s changed his mind on that.”
Then he pronounced “Appalachia” the way Appalachians do, unlike how Vance says it.
And he explained that back in the day, when Vance said Trump was like an “opioid” for people, that was an extremely pointed insult, perhaps the darkest thing a person whose claim to fame is their ties to Appalachia could say about an enemy, considering how the opioid crisis has spent so many years destroying families and communities in that region.
In this second clip, Pete says it’s pretty stupid for Vance to say he changed his mind about Trump by watching him as president, considering how they’re both from the Midwest, they both watched the Midwest go into a manufacturing recession during the Trump presidency — before COVID even! — and they both watched Joe Biden pull the Midwest out of it.
“I think we all know why JD Vance changed his mind,” said Pete, leaving us to all fill in the blanks. (Maybe he got his dick stuck in a couch and Trump saved his life? Just kidding, Pete means Vance is a cynical power-lusting piece of shit.)
In the third clip, Pete addressed JD Vance’s bizarre Handmaid’s Tale patriarchal Caucasian loser comments about how people without children shouldn’t be political leaders. Kaitlan Collins played a clip where Vance even namechecked Pete as a childless person (this was before he and Chasten became parents).
Full quote from Pete in response:
“The really sad thing is he said that after Chasten and I had been through a fairly heartbreaking setback in our adoption journey.
“He couldn’t have known that, but maybe that’s why you shouldn’t be talking about other people’s children. And it’s not about his kids or my kids or the vice president’s family.
“It’s about your family, people’s families whose well-being will depend on whether we go into a future led by somebody like Kamala Harris, who is focused on expanding the prosperity and the freedom, the well-being of our families.
“Or do you want your children to grow up in a country defined by a return to the chaos and recrimination and cruelty that was the hallmark of the Trump era?”
In case you missed that, it was maybe shitholes like JD Vance should shut their fucking mouths. At least that’s what we heard.
And in the last clip, Kaitlan Collins asked why Trump is trying to weasel out of his ABC debate with Kamala Harris. To which Pete replied — paraphrase — “BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK!”
Collins replied, “So you think he’s …”
Pete replied, “afraid.”
“Why do you think so?” asked Collins.
And Pete replied with a normal and full answer, but not before he fucking laughed right in Trump’s face through the TV.
It was one of those laughs that said LOL fuckin’ OF COURSE he’s scared.
Anyway, watch the whole clip, though, it’s very good.
Again, we don’t know exactly what plans future President Harris has for Pete.
Secretary of Fuck Around and Find Out?
Secretary of Don’t Start No Shit Won’t Be No Shit?
Details can be worked out over the coming months, we are sure.
OPEN THREAD.
[videos via Acyn]
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