Is literally anybody still watching these? Is there any reason for the charade? Why is the RNC even doing a Republican debate for the four remaining idiots, since at this point literally zero of them are actually auditioning for a role in a hypothetical second Trump administration?
Haley? Nope, she’s mean to Trump now. DeSantis? Nope, he’s a chickenshit loser and everybody knows it. Christie? Uhhhhhhh. Ramaswamy? LOL he wishes.
Did you even know there was a Republican debate tonight before we told you just now? You did not, stop lying.
Anyway it’s going to be on NewsNation (what?) and it will be moderated by Megyn Kelly (LOL) plus Elizabeth Vargas and Eliana Johnson.
Jonathan Last notes that NewsNation was recently bragging about its biggest week ever, when it was averaging, um, 67,000 viewers a day. “Why in the world would they bury one of their flagship presidential debates on a network that barely exists?” he asks.
Because it’s a fake debate that doesn’t exist, a month before the Iowa caucuses, which don’t exist, because Republicans are just going to coronate their dogshit Dear Leader, and if he gets convicted and imprisoned before Election Day, that’s the bed they made, which they’ll have to lie in.
The debate is at 8 p.m. ET. If you wanted to watch it, and you don’t, you would spin around three times while saying “NewsNation!” at which point a TV screen would appear in your mirror but you don’t have a remote that will work it. Snort the drugs on your bathroom counter to see if that helps. Hooray, now you are hallucinating a debate! There’s Megyn Kelly, being a godawful fascist shitfuck! (They are very accurate drugs that you just snorted.)
“I hate you and hope you die in a comical Looney Tunes accident,” says Nikki Haley to Vivek Ramaswamy. See? You’re watching!
The debate is sanctioned by the Republican National Committee and will be hosted by NewsNation and three conservative organizations: The Washington Free Beacon, “The Megyn Kelly Show” on Sirius XM and the streaming platform Rumble.
In honor of Norman Lear’s passing, here is a playlist of “Maude” episodes. That, you will watch.
OK, OPEN THREAD!
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.