How many hundreds of years old is the average Fox News viewer? How white? How beholden are they to straight Christian men, if they are not straight Christian men themselves? We don’t know, but this bizarre display from Fox News’s Dana Perino reminds us of some kind of SNL send-up of women on Lawrence Welk singing about what Daddy is going to bring them home for Christmas.
During the first Trump administration, it was Greenland that kept the dreamers dreaming in their beds in their empty little heads. Would Daddy buy them Greenland? No, he wouldn’t, but he really thought he could, because he’s a fuckin’ dumbass, and because Estée Lauder heir Ronald Lauder and Tom Cotton put the idea in his tiny head, and like the late great Hannibal Lecter, we all know that when an idea like that gets stuck bouncing around in the cavity of Big Mac vomit and grievances where his brain is supposed to be, it is physically unable to leave.
Anyway, now Dana Perino is making a prediction, and it is that she thinks he will be able to buy them … something. Land! Big, big land!
PERINO: I’m going to make a prediction […] and I thought of this this afternoon. I actually think that the United States might make some sort of purchase.
I don’t know, not Canada, but there might be some sort of like big real estate purchase in the next four years!
Whatever babbling head injury was serving as the man on the Fox News panel excitedly chimed in like “Greenland?!” and “We do have a real estate president!”
They just think something like this might happen, the Fox News idiots are saying! Trump might do some kind of “House Hunters International” and buy all the white people in America some real estate that’s nice and new and also white! That’s Dana Perino’s prediction anyway!
This is all happening because Donald Trump’s new “joke”-slash-dominance game with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is referring to Canada as a “state” and calling Trudeau the “governor,” and suggesting he’s going to annex Canada. He’s been at it for about a week now. This is the kind of thing that makes assorted anal glands at Fox News HQ swell up, and the pigfucks at home who watch thinks it’s pretty neat too.
Before her “prediction,” Perino said:
I think it’s funny and I imagine that Justin Trudeau also thought it was funny. And it probably will help their relationship. Because if you can tease somebody and they can be teased — and maybe Trudeau teases back a little bit.
They’re just doing teases! Fox News’s white fascist loser president is accepted by the cool kids, you betcha he sure is, and they like him and respect him too!
Glands are swollen over on Newsmax too, with host Rob Finnerty doing an entire monologue about how Canada should be our 51st state. He started out largely excited about all the cool hockey players we’d have, and that poutine would be an American food, and that there’d be no more “Canadian” restaurants, just American ones. (We don’t think Newsmax hosts get out a lot.)
But then he got into some really hilariously ignorant “I’ve never traveled further than the Walmart inside my own asshole, so let me tell you my Canada opinions” yip-yap. Not sure if that’s true personally for Finnerty, or if he’s just playing to the rubes:
FINNERTY: What about Canadian health care? We could prove once and for all that Canadian health care is a complete joke. And the Canadian criminal justice system — we could get rid of these red Santa Claus robes. They really wear these. They still wear these during court cases. Imagine that. Literally. I feel like it’s a scene out of the North Pole. They’re all going to make toys in ten minutes. We might be the best thing that ever happened to Canada. During COVID, it was worse in Canada than it was here. Trudeau froze the bank accounts of hundreds of truckers when they protested COVID mandates.
Canada might need us. Canada needs Donald Trump. In Canada, free speech is so limited it doesn’t exist like we have it here. When anti-Christian arsonists burned more than 50 Catholic churches across Canada, Justin Trudeau didn’t declare a state of emergency. So how did all this happen so quickly in a country as nice and moderate as Canada? Well, it happened the way it always happens — maximum aggression and limited popular support. People like Justin Trudeau praised diversity while demanding conformity. He is passive aggressive. All the smiles in the world for the cameras, but no less dangerous. One morning you wake up and your job’s been canceled and they take away your bank account for the crime of disagreeing with this man, Justin Trudeau, in blackface. Take a look at who Justin Trudeau says he admires.
OK, buddy, please wipe off your desk when you’re finished watching every video in the PornHub category of “Canada is definitely jealous of us and the rest of the world is definitely not laughing at us right now!”
Of course, outside the United States, they are doing exactly that. Real world leaders are not afraid of Trump. Remember the famous hot mic Trudeau moment?
And remember the famous “Oh wow, looks like Melania wants to lock Donald Trump in the toilet forever and go fuck Justin Trudeau” moment?
Right.
So do we think Trudeau is intimidated by this?
Do we think Emmanuel Macron is intimidated when Trump does these extremely un-manly weirdo handshakes with his small, greasy hands that likely smell of the last time he stuck them inside his diaper?
Do we think Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum is intimidated by Trump? Have you seen the way she responds to Trump’s bullshit?
As if anybody’s going to envy the United States once Trump is done with it. As if the best people in the country aren’t already looking for the exits right now, seriously considering leaving the morons who voted for him to wallow in their own poor choices for the rest of time.
Fuckin’ around losers might just get to find out before this is all over.
OPEN THREAD.
[Mediaite / Media Matters / video via Acyn]
Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan on Facebook.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
