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Morning, haters and losers and lovers and fighters!
Steve Bannon is not eligible to go to Martha Stewart funtimes prison, has to go to prison where his new nickname is “Grease Smells” and they call him that because he smells bad and looks greasy even after a shower. It is because he has ANOTHER criminal case pending against him. Ha ha. [CNN]
What kind of creepy ass traitor Cambridge Analytica shit is the Trump campaign shoving its money into this year? [NBC News]
Trump judge Aileen Cannon actually told 24 Republican attorneys general demanding she un-gag-order Trump to fuck off. We don’t think this means anything good about her, but we guess it means she has a limit to how much BS she wants to listen to from people who don’t have a dog in the race. [Law & Crime]
Trump would scream “fuck” words at Dr. Fauci and then tell him he loves him. And more! Excerpts from Fauci’s new book coming out. [JoeMyGod]
Tom Nichols says TrumpWorld is scared. PROBABLY OF SPIDERS! [Atlantic]
Speaking of, did y’all hear about that meeting Trump had with CEOs where they all came away thinking his brain was broken? [CNBC]
At my new Friday newsletter joint, we discussed how anybody who attacks Dolly Parton is a fucking weirdo who has already been fully dropkicked out of polite society. This Friday, speaking of people like that, we need to have a talk about Chaya Raichik and Charlie Kirk. Go ahead and subscribe! [The Moral High Ground]
Mary Trump says it’s a big fucking deal that the Democratic governor of Maryland and the Biden administration got that bridge back open in record time, just like Democrats always do when they have to clean up a mess. She says “If bridge collapses and burning highways came in human form, that human would be named Donald Trump,” and that “I think we really need to figure out—and explain—why so many people suffer from amnesia when it comes to the horrors committed by the Trump administration.” Ayup. [The Good In Us]
Everyone has been executed, according to this QAnon Twitter account. RIP, everybody! [QAnon Twitter account]
The New York Times doesn’t make much in the way of journalism, but oooooooh WEEKNIGHT CHICKEN TAGINE? Tell us more! [New York Times]
A rustic cabin in the woods was his dream. Not hers. So they divorced each other and ran off with separate poolboys! (His poolboy was a lumberjack type covered with fur, to go with the cabin. Not hers.) Just kidding, it’s some fucking real estate human interest thing from the New York Times, which doesn’t make much in the way of journalism. [New York Times]
Jonathan Groff and his projectile saliva (it’s a thing) finally won a Tony and Daniel Radcliffe won a Tony and Lindsay Mendez didn’t win a Tony but that’s OK, she’s a winner in our hearts. Point is, we are pretty sure this is the only time we have ever been able to say we saw a couple of the winners in the show they won for, before they won the Tony for it. We are of course talking about Merrily We Roll Along, and Jesus, it was wonderful.
Watch Groff’s acceptance speech and then watch those three perform at the Tonys.
Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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