Joe Biden just called Trump a piece of shit, but *with his face*, Wonkette day of news starts now!

Well we are biased, but I thought that was a real good speech Old Handsome Joe gave. I liked the part where he quoted our headline, but with his face. “He’s a SICK …” and he stopped, and called him a traitor piece of shit but not with his mouth, but everybody laughed because it was obvious. Watch below!

Joe Biden Goes To Valley Forge To Ask America: HEY, YOU LIKE DEMOCRACY OR THIS STUPID TRAITOR PIECE OF SHIT?

And here was Evan’s pre-write of the speech, all the way at “this morning”!

Biden To Commemorate January 6 By Explaining That Trump Is Literal Actual Anti-American Extremist Cell Leader

We had a real full news day for you, starting with your daily cheat sheet that comes with some treats. It’s tabs!

Easy Pineapple Chicken! Tabs, Fri., Jan. 5, 2024

Oh my HEAD.

Florida Judges Are Back To Deny Teen An Abortion But This Reason’s A Doozy

Oh my GOD.

Lunatic Florida Surgeon General (But We Repeat Ourselves) Says COVID Vaccine ‘The Anti-Christ’

One-two punch Trump lawyers!

Trump Lawyers Flip The F*ck Out On Special Counsel For Crime Of Turning Homework In Early, Saying Mean Bad Words About Trump

Trump Lawyer Alina Habba Thankful Her Hotness Distracting From Her Terrible Lawyering

One-two punch economy!

Joe Biden’s Economy Added 216,000 Jobs In December, Not Too Shabby!

America’s Billionaires Are Hoarding $8.5 Trillion In Untaxed Assets, Need Our Help To Lighten The Load!

New York Times is getting worse y’all.

Hey New York Times, Is A Supreme Court Justice As Important As A (Black, Woman) Harvard President?

Neither do I, Sara. Neither do I.

I Do Not Want To Do Fitness!

And hey-ho, it’s time for a drink!

Welcome To Wonkette Happy Hour, With This Week’s Cocktail, The Cheshire Cat!

Thanks for sticking with us this week, when we ALMOST reached 5000 paid subscribers, so per our contract, we gave you the cats. We’ve got tons more planned for you for the weekend … and the year!

Share